Since its really 1 in the morning im going to update about "last" night which was really tonight im also going to include things from yesterday which i still feel like is today. I want to write about this because im trying not to think about anything really emotionally draining. Its inevitable but right now i'm in denial. I'm going to start from the begining...

At 3 in the morning axle was crying, this was okay because i still hadn't gotten to sleep yet and i felt sick and animal planet was, for once in my life, not making anything better. I let axle outside and he came in and wouldn't let me wipe the snow off. so i chased him around the breakfast bar. thats actually a lie. i didn't. i don't know why i just said i did. i guess im trying to make it seem more interesting than it really was which was him jumping up and laying on the chair before i could get the snow off his feet. A few hours later I felt sick again and got up to find eric online and it 8 in the morning. I took 2 aleve and went back to sleep. I got up again at 1130 to go to cyndi and my mom had an envelope from Puget Sound...

It was neither an acceptance or rejection but simply them telling me they will let me know by mid march. awesome. except its not really because i dont want to go there. regardless i drove to cyndi in the snow and proceeded to explain my week and then she told me why i feel like i do and how to fix it. The solution was simple but i haven't done anything about it yet. I might just let it happen on its own because i have a feeling it will. After that i came home and sat in my room with absolutely no appetite. its been gone all week.

I watched the end of seabiscuit, the random middle of the bodyguard, and some newly weds. then i went to get coffee with brian. we talked for a few hours and i felt better about things and then i went home and had this weird experimental dinner that my mom made and then she didnt eat it because shes cleansing her intestines or something. it was okay but i felt sick before, while and after i ate it. either way, during the meal my princess showed up and we tried to think of something to do. it was hard. we didn't really want to hang out with anyone either so i suppose that made it more difficult. We rented the skulls and save the last dance. we bought tea and then made it. The Skulls made me want to go to UVA more and then get invited to join Seven (the coolest secret society ever). Keiko ruined Save the Last Dance because she kept making fun of Julia Stiles' moves.

Now im here sitting online and contemplating going to bed, staying online, or reading. if i go to bed, should i listen to my ipod or just go to sleep? if i listen to my ipod will i pick the slow songs that i know will make me cry? and the answer is yes but the follow up question is why? this answer i do not know. i suppose its because Atreyu just doesnt have that dreamy-sleep quality. har-dee-har-har. i do have atreyu on my iPod. along with Shakira and the Wicked soundtrack. i would like to consider myself musically diverse except i dont really like Atreyu. I still have it so that counts. or does it? i don't care. The local scene is a joke and the doors are classic. no offense to the "scene" or whatever but hey. i'm leaving this place in a few months. it doesnt matter if im going to colorado state or boston college. well... it does matter but i don't want to think about that right now.

Keiko i think you should know that it totally makes sense that no one talked to you at that show friday because youre just seriously, not hardcore enough. you and me can go to thrift stores and buy old shirts and guy pants and then make sure we make our belt buckles face backwards. That is pretty much the most impractical fashion ive ever seen catch on. but maybe then we will be appreciated for our APPARENT originality and seen for the hard core SONS OF BITCHES we really are. Either way keiko, youre just not cool and the fact that youre smart makes you even LESS hard core if you could possibly be it. youre just boring. boring old keiko with nothing but japan on her side.

Well i could fill books with my complaints of society but where would that get me if im not funny? man humor is just one of the greatest things. if you dont have it... well then you probably dont talk to me. i'll come back to this...

These are the things hanging on my desk board thing...

-pictures of:

• Keiko and Stephen from sophomore year hahahahaha
• My mom and my aunt when they were little
• My dad waterskiing like 20 years ago at crab lake
• My mom when she was like 10
• Axle the second day we got him
• My brother and me on halloween when i was like 6.
• Me holding Danni (jeremys dog) sophomore year
• Me holding a huge tadpole at crab lake
• Me, Court and my cousin Dan in Central Park
• Justin's senior pic from 2 years ago
• Carter holding axle
• Me court and Stephen on my 17th birthday

-Other random things that are just pinned to it:

• A blue butterfly i bought in portland and named Dave (after Dave tesnow)
• A marshalls name tag (RIP)
• A freshman letter for soccer. 2005 saxons! hahahahaha
• A weird hawaiin skull thing that is supposed to be good luck
• A fortune cookie fortune "The color red will be important to you." It ended up having to do with prom, which was cool.
• A "Prom Court 2004" Sash. I wasnt even prom court! i just rock that hard.
• A ticket from the Manet and the Sea exhibit from the art institute. I went with my mom, brother eric and steve hahahaha. it was definitely awesome. eric got yelled at by security. they were probably prejudice against people with webs. ahhahahaha.

Anyway, back to the whole "humor" topic. i think its an important quality. like eric for example. i mean im not here to talk shit about my brother. i love him. hes a cool guy when hes not forgetting he is alive. but all the girls (freshman girls) think hes hot. which is funny he has webbed fingers, messed up toenails and lets just say "cleanliness next to godliness" is not exactly his motto to live by. Either way. i think irony and funnyness go hand in hand. i dont know what else to say about that. My life is ironic, and i think my life is funny. some would say pathetic but iwould say funny.

February 14th is coming up... ya'll know what that means? happy fucking birthday audrey! and what else happens that day? oh what? valentine's day? well fuck it. Maybe this year ill have a heart shaped cake just to piss myself off. last year we went to medieval times and it was so awesome. our knight lost but he tossed me a flower. or tossed it and i got it. either way. what a party. this year all i want is a chocolate fountain. so im going to rent one and i dont even care if no one comes to enjoy it with me, i just want a chocolate fountain. Now im looking around my room and im annoyed because i dont really have much else to say. well thats not true. i just have too many thoughts to write them down. some are really lame and others inappropriate so i suppose this breathtakingly beautiful glimpse into my mind is drawing to a close. here ends the shooting of the proverbial shit. onto better and brighter things like methodical madness. and i just thought of Tony's shirt that says "rock that bass" and it has a picture of a fish on it. like a bass hahaha and i thought it was probably the funniest part of the macro final. really the only funny part. i love bass. and now i depart with keiko whispering dirty sweet nothings into my computer.

And hey Polonius- sorry but i dont agree that brevity is the soul of wit! so im glad hamlet stabs you! hey Shakes, you my soulmate.

Signing off,

AUDREY (in caps because im ready to carpe diem).