its so perfect im so perfect youre so perfect youre not here

my friend lonesome's unconditional.

tonight i feel ambitious and so does my foot. ha
haha

take a load off benny take a load off for free. take a load off benny, and put it on me.

im really tired. i dont know what to do with myself. im so tired. i have homework. ahhh anythign for salenas.

Kevin says he likes this better. i dont know what to say. marshalls sucks and so do you!


hahaha
okay steve. im ready for this hangout.

i cant my darling i lov eyou so

i have a dead journal

http://www.deadjournal.com/users/audreyastray/

rock out on that

.unconditional love.

to me you can tell the posts that i'm here at because theyre so like random and "pinchu"

man you are freakin! my cherry sank to the bottom. that is not even funny. it is so hotlike on my leg right now. just stop. (laugh)

my car battery died tonight hahahaha. well. thanks dad for that jump. remember when we jumped harrisons car that night? that was fantastic. H.O.T.S.O.M.B. loved that. probably the best feeling in the world.

man my ass is hot. sitting on courts hot leg. i hate marshalls but tonight wasnt so bad. it actually kind of FLew. pinchy pinchu

"Whats that song? (sings) somethings never do change, never do change. to me its queen mab"
(laughing) "something corporate"
"oh yeah"

I was the one worth leaving

I feel I must interject here, you're getting carried away,
feeling sorry for youself with these revisions and gaps in history.
So let me help you remember. I've made charts
and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave

So please back away and let me go

don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

you've got a lure I can't deny,
but you've had your chance so say goodbye

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh iwish youd grow up!!!!!!! i hope you realize this isnt going to bring you any closer to finding out who you really are. you know your ejust going to end up putting yourself in the line of fire to get hurt. and its not even worth warning you because you adhere to no one's advice. so we'll just sit this one out and let you make your mistakes and realize that its never going to get you anywhere acting like this. maybe three years ago i could have sympathized with your choices but youre almost 17. you'll be feeling empty and lost by the time the new year rolls around. i dont know what to say other than, what are you doing? some of us have been falling a long time before we actually hit the bottom.

my wrists hurt. i spend too much of my day typing.

tonight i was at the movies with courtney. the previews hadnt started when suddendly,,,,, my phone rang. who coul dit be? Kevin Cell. okay it was kevin. so then i told him to come see grind and he told me to go to steak and shake and so then he went to steak and shake and i watched the movie. so it was kind of pointless.

I hope I'm dead by the time you read this. I love you.

i was saved by grace, but destroyed by naivety. and i lied to myself and said it was for the best.

The night is becokoning although I have nowhere to go but home
Feels good to be alone
With every turn comes a new frame of mind if I could frame my mind
Where would it hang

I crack a window and feel the cool air cleanse my every pore
As I pour my poor heart out
To a radio song that's patient and willing to listen
My volume drowns it out

But that's OK cause I sound better then him anyway any day
Yeah my voice is sweet as salt
I search for comfort and I've found it where I've found it many times before

"You see life is like that. We change, that's all. You see, the guy I am now is not the guy I was then. If the guy I was then met the guy I am now he'd beat the shit out of me. Those are the facts. "

just got in from thrifting with kevin and tim schram and i realized i left my investment in the backseat of kevins car. oh well maybe he'll be a nice man and drop that off sometime

late at night when all the world is sleeping i stay up and dream of you. and i wish on a star that somewhere you are thinking off me too. yess i oouosd true.....

court- "i feel sick"
audrey- "get my gym shorts"
court- "go to hell"

court- do you want something to drink?
audrey- yeah apple juice
court- "i feel sick"
audrey- "get my gym shorts"
court- "go to hell"
(goes downstairs and comes back up)
audrey- did you get my gym shorts?
courtney- i knew i forgot something, i need to go downstairs anyway to get my acne medicine
(goes downstairs and comes back up)
courtney- fuck i forgot my acne medicine



hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

pissed pissed pissed pissed. youre such a piss ant

wow this is fucking up major. the comment box was the main cause i think. so i guess ill just hold off on comments for awhile. i bet youre so upset about it.

LAST PERSON WHO...
. Slept in your bed: me
. Saw you cry: probably steve
. Made you cry: me
. Spent the night at your house: courtney, every night
. You shared a drink with: courtney?
. You went to the mall with: steve and eric haha
. Yelled at you: mom or dad?
. Sent you an e-mail: i havent checked it in a while,. prob mrs clegg hahahaha
. Said they were going to kill you: dont remember

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
. Cried: no i dont think so
. Bought Something: yeah vans
. Gotten Sick: i have a bit of a sore throat
. Sang: yeah like everything. veruca salt?
. Said I Love You: no
. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved You Want To Be With Them, But Didn't: yeah
. Met Someone New: no
. Moved On: not really
. Talked To Someone: yes
. Had A Serious Talk: i dont know. probablky not
. Missed Someone: yes
. Hugged Someone: yes.
. Kissed Someone: yes
. Fought With Your Parents: no
. Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: yeah
. Had a lot of sleep: no.

dude ollie is a pathetic excuse for a dog these days. extremely sad. my grandparents are brutal and cruel for keeping him alive in all this pain.

COURTNEY STEVE ALI KEVIN: YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO FUCKING COOL. and clever too. its fantastic.

we're glad for what we've got. done with what we've lost. our whole lives laid out right in front of us.

1. What's on your bedside table?
i lack a bedside table.

2. What's the geekiest part of your music collection?
haha umm... this guitar rock cd my cheap ass grandparents bought me in florida lol

3. What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
fla-vor-ice

4. What is your secret guaranteed weeping film?
life as a house

5. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
yuck sick nothing id rather be ugly and real that beautiful and completely fake

6. Do you have a completely irrational fear?
yes. i am afraid that the fish in my lake will bite my toes. so afraid infact that i am rarely in the water if im not tubing or skiing.

7. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
i like bend my fingers over eachother. FREAK.

8. Do you ever have to beg?
yeah i do. and i feel downright dirty about it.

9. Do you have too many love interests?
no lol

10. Do you know anyone famous?
no again. but i'm pretty confident in someday being able to say yes

11. Describe your bed.
twin with lavender sheets. like my soul.

12. Spontaneous or plan?
spontaneous

13. Who should play you in a movie about your life?
marilyn monroe. hahaha or rosanne

14. Do you know how to play poker?
yeah

15. What do you carry with you at all times?
umm i dont know. my watch?

16. How do you drive?
fast and furiously ahhaha

17. What do you miss most about being little?
not liking boys

18. Are you happy with your given name?
i suppose. i cant think of anything else i would prefer.

19. What color is your bedroom?
sick i dont want to talk about the marine life border. im changing it.

20. What was the last song you were listening to?
from autumn to ashes- too bad youre beautiful

21. Have you ever been in a school play?
yes yes i have.

22. Have you ever been in love?
as much as ive been trying to deny it. i have. and it still stings

23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
not very much at all... but i'm getting there... slowly

25. Do you think you're cute?
very rarely. nope i dont.

26. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
i really really really really am trying.

01-- When and how did we meet?:
02-- What did you first notice about me?:
03-- What do you like most about me?:
04-- Are we friends?:
05-- Have you ever seen me with my shirt off?:
06-- Have you ever seen me cry?:
07-- Describe me in four words?:
08-- If we could spend a day together what would we do?:
09-- Have we ever gotten in a fight?:
10-- If you could give me a present what would it be?:
11-- Would you hug me?:
12-- What do you really think of me?:
13-- Have we ever kissed?:
14-- Has there ever been anything you wanted to tell me, but were scared to?:
15-- Wanna make out?:
16-- Name one thing you do not like about me:

OKay that computer has just shut down and restarted for the second time today. thank you backdoor virus. i can't delete the file because i have been denied access. ive been denied access to everything. i am an angry person and i dont have an empathetic bone in my body. i have been drained completely of any sense of compassion that i might have had at one point in my life. the summer has been a bore and has ended entirely too quickly. the only adventure ive had has been while reading lame ass Teen Crap books like "the second summer of the sisterhood" "second helpings" and "diary of a teenage stud" despite these somewhat QUEER titles the books are actually quite fantastic and captivating. i also started the joy luck club. but that is anything but an exciting adventure. i honestly don't like it. like whats so great about it? they're chinese women. i dont think i could relate less if they were a heard of african elephants describing the troubled life of the tundra. maybe im just a cynical bitch, or maybe im just impatient and unmotivated. maybe both. either way, i'm angry and troubled, but more importantly, i'm hungry. i got a homecoming dress yesterday. la deee da. this is a stupid entry. i need a date. anyone interested? its a cool dress if that helps? well the system is shutting down in another 50 seconds so i better sum this up and quick. i'm going to the mall with courtney and AMY in a few minutes. an exciting excursion it will be, no doubt. does anyone have any money? does anyone serve any puyrpose?

ive realized i have a lot of teenage angst. and as much as i would like to sit on my ass and contemplate being a confused and troubled adolescent. i can.t because my computer is shutting down in 35 seconds and counting. i hate this virus. i hate life FUCK YOU.

10 bands you've been listening a lot to lately: in no order.
1) yellowcard
2) brand new
3) saves the day
4) alkaline trio
5) bright eyes
6) falloutboy
7) third eye blind
8) modest mouse
9) oar
10) dashboard confessional

//09 things you look forward to:
1) picking up my check
2) taking a shower
3) wearing clean clothes
4) sleepover with courtney
5) getting my contacts in on the first try
6) seeing who i have classes with (lame i know)
7) being nostalgic
8) finishing the joy luck club
9) finishing ap us

//8 things you like to wear:
1) t-shirts
2) r.b.f.
3) flip flops
4) capris
5) skirts
6) jeans
7) my watch
8) soccer shorts

//07 things that annoy you:
1) my brother
2) my mom spilling water on my new cd player
3) my grandparents
4) socks
5) the joy luck club
6) my emotions
7) contacts

//06 things you say most everyday:
1) "whoops"
2) "i'm lame"
3) "oh courtney"
4) "i'm reading"
5) "i feel sick"
6) "i'll drive"

//05 things you do everyday:
1) eat
2) read
3) wait around
4) laugh
5) think too much

//04 people you want to spend more time with:
1) Harrison
2) Ali
3) Mike Giovenco
4) Justin dreyer

//03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1) life as a house
2) twister
3) the princess bride

//02 of your favorite songs at the moment:
1) brand new- the boy who blocked his own shot
2) third eye blind- motorcycle drive-by

//01 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1) mentioning the name is unnecessary

I'm back. did you miss me terribly? i'm sure you did.

i want a tattoo

Ali: his name is risvi.
Audrey: oh rizzi?
Ali: no risvi.
Audrey: oh frisbi?
Ali: no R-I-S-V-I.
Audrey: oh... risvi.
Ali: he's like 60 or something. and i think hes blind in one eye.
Audrey: oh its a woman?



oh man funniest thing ever. i feel like such an ass becuase i can't stop laughing when im talking to ali. like seriously, i have no control over anything i say. when intending to say something about my managers ill say "yeah all the animals at marshalls are nice"

its soooo hot in my room/ im sweating.

I'm hanging out with alex today. I want to make some string stuff. She wants to go to target to get calling cards. i didnt know she was going to mexico? well. thats cool.
I love my dog.
I want to get my check today.

Greg is pretty funny when it comes to... everything.

i still have these two cool... or too cool... fabrics that i need to make a skirt out of. i could probably make a lot of things. there is a lot of fabric.

A fireball destroyed france today and gerald ford is dead

Gerald Ford was eaten by a pack of wolves. He was delicious.

Gerald Ford is dead today, and I'm gay.