I'm so pissed off and sad. You make me so upset and i don't even know what it is. Just talking to you gets me really upset. and i should be studying for a test i have tomorrow morning but now i cant because i cant stop thinking and being upset. god you dont get it. you cant just have everything your way.

today i studied.

I like Rilo Kiley.

I drank a starbucks double shot and was able to stay awake through history.

I miss soccer. I like to read books. My mom sent me a package and hopefully ill get it tomorrow. Packages on my legs and my arms for you. packages packages packages.

today i dwelled on keiko for at least an hour total if you add all the little comments together. Maybe i should just get over it. What pisses me off is that shes the one who fucked up (literally) and now she doesn't even care about the friendship. like at all. like she has totally moved on completely. and thats a little annoying to me. i considered her my best friend and now what the fuck. whatever. im done with that for the night


In other news: I still cant stand my roommate. and i hate Syracuse just as much as i did the moment i stepped foot on this campus. I'm scared to visit wellesley because i don't want to jynx it. OKay if my roommate wouldn't eat nasty food in my room every god damned day for every goddamned meal maybe things would be different. oh wait no they wouldnt because shes still an idiot.

I need to write to post secret.

I cut my toe today. Its bled through 2 band-aids already.


Don't even get me started on Stephen.



RIP Buckwheat.

"You were right when you said all that glitters isn't gold
You were right when you said all we are is dust in the wind
You were right when you said we're all just bricks in the wall
And when you said manic depression's a frustrated mess"
-built to spill

"this won't work now the way it once did
and I won't keep it up even though I would love to.
once I know who I'm not, then I'll know who I am.
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim."

alanis

"you need to know this even if you dont want to hear it...im sorry for keeping you from the person you wanted to be when you were with me. im sorry for always holding you back. im sorry for never opening my eyes until now. im sorry for not always going to the movies with you. im sorry for not being with you sooner when i was with angela. im sorry for treating you horribly when i was with her. im sorry for sleeping in that one day during the summer of sophomore year. im sorry for not being able to give you the freedom you needed until now. im sorry for making you read this and making you feel bad. im sorry in general for being too late. and i mean everything i just typed. i truly do."


Its okay.