The times, they are...

I guess its too far gone to go back now. I took the blame before and rightfully so. But maybe its a "two roads diverged" scenario now. And in my heart I kind of knew the last time you left that you wouldn't be coming back. All the best, none the less.

that was quick

minimalist running is not for me.... and the search continues. i have a feeling im just going to end up in a new pair of triumphs... oh well.

if i were better, would life be better?

I never learned to count my blessings,
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters.
I walk on down the hill,
through grass, grown tall and brown
and still its hard somehow to let go of my pain.
On past the busted back of that old and rusted Cadillac
that sinks into this field, collecting rain.
Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged.

ray lamontagne

that's farce, that's the theatre, that's life.

It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.

Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone
They should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard

The only consistency is change

Somedays its easy to convince yourself of who you are; most days its not.

Blah run blah

Yesterday PR 4 mile- 32:35

Sorry, your dog is an ass.

"She has separation anxiety. She's from a shelter."

The amount of people who claim their pets were abused just because they came from a shelter would lead you to believe there is an animal abuser around every corner. Maybe its true because everyone knows that there are sexual predators lurking in every window well you pass.

Maybe your dog wasn't abused at all. Maybe your dog is just a dick and that's why its in a shelter.

Updated black list:

Rotties

Huskies

Shiba inus

GSDs

Doxies

Beagles

St Bernards

Cockers

Chows

Akitas

my foray into "minimalist" running

After i ordered my saucony progrid paramount 3's a few days ago, i immediately had doubts. My biggest concern was that it is my first real stability shoe (other than 11 miles in asics gel kayano 14's last summer with foot numbing results). I've poured over websites over the last few days, mostly because of anxiety caused by the paramounts, and i'm starting to realize that maybe a stability shoe isn't necessary. I've always run in heavy, clunky, high platformed running shoes... and for the most part they have been saucony triumphs. i love this brand and its unlikely that i will ever really be able to convince myself to buy a pair of asics/mizunos/nikes/brooks again, even though they are usually prettier. i wanted a racing flat that could help cut seconds off my mile times and reduce the foot fatigue i have during longer runs. minimalist is so trendy right now, and since i'm so trendy, i thought i might as well explore it. i have pretty much decided to start with the saucony (shock) kinvara. its not minimalist like the 5 fingers (thank god) and true minimalists are disparaging it because it has non-minimalist tendencies. i appreciate this. i'm not ready to run 20 miles on sidewalks with nothing but a thin piece of rubber under my feet. ive decided to throw caution to the wind and buy a neutral "minimalist" shoe even though i've been diagnosed with overpronation.

the diagnosis in itself is a little suspicious. stereotypically, overpronators are flat footed and suppinators have high arches. but "experts" have determined that i am both an overpronator and highly arched. this makes buying the right running shoes all the more complicated and it usually involves a ton of cushioning and inserts. i'm hoping that the kinvara will pull back the veil on this phenomenon of a diagnosis and determine whether or not it actually makes a difference.

although i did get a sick deal on the paramounts, i will probably be returning them for kinvaras. its interesting because i always thought the most expensive running shoes were the best, but they really are just the heaviest with the most extra material. i know i'm not fat enough to need all that extra cushioning so i'm going to be a big girl and get rid of it... at least for now.

Add shiba inus to the black list

Being sick over spring break is something I'm fantastically good at. I refuse to skip another day of running. I'm actually kind of excited about the idea of potentially going to human medical school.

Thick blood

I love daylight savings because I can run everyday after work without it being black as pitch by 7.

I don't love that I've gotten so used to running in freezing weather that I feel the need to run in a tank top and shorts when its 53 degrees.

Whats with fat people and cavaliers?

I want a poptart! I ran 6.3 miles today. I am going to register for the tough mudder on Friday! I'm so excited!

I truly annoy myself

All I did tonight was complain and feel sorry for myself. I ate way too much and didn't study at all. Now I'm fat AND stupid.

Kicking off spring break with a bang!

Additionally, Carmen is a really long opera and the translated lines are kind of cheesey. But I'm worldly and therefore I opera.

completely lost

i'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that i'm probably not going to get into vet school and because of this, i'm really trying to explore my other options. it would be nice if my parents would pay for grad school but they won't, and therefore, i am extremely weary of even applying to law school due to such high unemployment rates of new grads. with the expectation of at least $175k in loans after graduation, the possibility alone of not finding a job is enough to make me really reconsider the entire field. the current idea i have actually uses all of the prereqs i've spent the last 2 years of my life getting, which is nice. and the idea is............. D.O. school. i've pretty much decided that MD is not really for me. the competition alone is enough to drive me to suicide. the only problem with either of these ideas is the mcat, and the fact that it contains physics AND orgo. I honestly think i would be ok with the chem... but absolutely not the physics. i would just have to hope that my bio and verbal scores somehow outweigh physics. and definitely take a kaplan class. speaking of which, i haven't even registered for the GRE, let alone GRE prep. probably because i'm just trying to avoid the inevitable failure associated with taking it and every decision i make thereafter.

i'm really sick of not being a competitive applicant. its by far the most frustrating and annoying and honestly debilitating part of my life right now. i can't make up for my first 2 years of college. there is truly nothing i can do about it. my grades are cast in stone. its hard to imagine that 2 years of subpar grades could determine the rest of your life, but alas, there it is. i'm constantly wondering where i should take this class, or where i should take that one. will it make a difference? is this a high enough level? should i even take a class this summer or just get an internship? when do i need to take animal nutrition? which online class should i take? will it make a difference? is this all for absolutely nothing? what am i supposed to do if i'm 25 and rejected? reapply? move on? where do you go from there? should i go on the mission trip to increase my volunteer experience? do i have enough volunteer experience? do i have enough large animal experience? how involved should this experience be? how will i get in touch with profs from st. olaf who are writing these reqs? will they write more reqs for different professional schools if i get rejected? how am i going to pay for this? if i go to DO at Midwestern will i really live at home until im 30? should i apply to MD too? at siu? at rosalind franklin? can i even apply all my vet clinic experience to human medicine? if not, how will i get enough human medicine experience before i apply?

i should have actually used my CNA, i should have done better at syracuse, i should have just STAYED at syracuse. I should have tried harder at olaf. i should NEVER have gone to olaf. i should have worked harder to get internships. i should have stayed in touch with professors. i should have just applied to law school a year ago. i should have taken organic over the school year. i should have taken physics at northern. i shouldn't have switched to English. I should have just stayed a bio major and then gotten my masters during this complete waste of time and life that i'm in right now.

i'm beyond hoping for the best. i'm not even convinced its worth my time to even apply. i really don't know where to go from here. i'm sick of people telling me i'll get in when they know i probably won't. i'm sick of the "anything is possible" mentality. NO IT FUCKING ISN'T.

its hard to be real with yourself. but its probably harder for the people i love to be real with me.

at every occasion, i'll be ready for the funeral

i'm sick of you calling other girls fat.


i also owned my physics quiz (!!!)

It all comes back to poland

Polish or Polish?

Pollock or pollock?

I love English. Mostly because of its complexities. of course, I haven't started studying for the GRE yet so that very well could change. I'm annoyed that the Royal Veterinary College requires the GRE Bio subject test but ill probably take it anyway just because I would like to go to a royal school.

During Scrabble tonight, I got 44 points off of "query." And it doesn't even seem like a real word the more I look at it.

I want to run the Marathon for the anticruelty society but I'm scared of not being able to raise the required $1,000. But I guess its really not so much. Especially if I can ask people at work. I'm sure that will go over realllllly well. I can't believe 45k people registered to run in barely over a month. I'm actually excited to start training again and I think I'm going to run 6 this Sunday just to get things rolling. Of course my knee started aching as soon as I typed that. I need to register for a half or 2 in the meantime. Ew.

I am the poster child of psychosomatic illness.

Complete and total dejection

There are some days when I feel like maybe I'm interesting enough to pull this all off. But most of the time I don't even have the energy for the pep talk let alone the idiocy to believe the shit I would tell myself.

Liberals gone wild!

If you don't know what "collective bargaining rights" means, please shut the fuck up about Wisconsin. I appreciate the fact that a conservative governor is actually making conservative decisions and not just placating democrats.

Gin will make you sin

I'm obsessed with 4runners. I need to own one.