massive ear infection

i may not care enough to fix my typos, but at least i recognize them.

additionally, fuck physics.

cheers!

A non-western medicine approach

Patient presents with an ear infection. Antibiotics not available. Prescribes gin.

Hope, possibly

Today I gave someone advice for her dog's diarrhea and it worked! She didn't even need to come in/talk to Fla. I feel competent... for now.

I really want a milkshake.

Am I crazy?

Uneventful

Yesterday was day one of not eating any gluten.

I also saw a Corsica with a Chicago bulls bumper sticker.

Living the dream

enough is enough

audrey and the magically disappearing handle of gin.

desperately seeking creativity

i'm always embarrassed to tell people i majored in English because i'm constantly worried that they are thinking,

"how?"

good question.

at least once a week i have a very real fear that i am bi-polar. i'm worried that, in the process of building a case for my own sanity on the fact that steve was/is actually bi-polar, i missed some huge detail about myself. i've yet to catch  myself in a manic phase though, so the initial fear usually subsides rather quickly. i just feel like i'm missing something that everyone else knows. maybe i'm just paranoid after reading the double bind.

GAD, BDD, ETC...

so fly like a prius

physics totally sucks. i thought i would be able to somehow make up for my organic grades by getting A's in physics I and II but now that doesn't seem so realistic. If i don't get an A in organic lab i will be really disappointed. On the bright side, i should have no problem locking one down in stats. Grades are really all i care about. At least i'm honest. I went 4 years thinking "grades don't matter" and "i'm better than a GPA." Unfortunately, i was very wrong. in fact, grades are really all that matter (when applying to grad school)... well grades and test scores, which are really just fancy big grades. speaking of which, i have to take the GRE this summer and my mom wants to drop another grand on a Kaplan class. Clearly this woman has no faith in me, and with good reason! Plus, this is probably the most important test i will take in my life thus far. I'm pretty sure she is just worried about another ACT incident (3 29's in a row and never a 30) or LSAT incident and having a barely sub-par score prevent me from getting into vet school. Although, in all honesty, there are many sub-par aspects to my resume/application, GRE aside. Everything i'm putting out there is on the low end. the only thing i'm on track with is my prereq GPA but with the way physics is looking, even that may flounder. All the more reason for a Kaplan class, apparently.

I keep saying "if I can get to the interview, maybe I have a chance" but now i'm not even sure about that AND how do i get to the interview?!!? and therein lies the rub. I don't even really want to apply to law school with vet school; its so much workkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Well that's enough of that. I apologize in advance for my likely inaccurate quoting of Frost but i don't feel like looking it up.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
but I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
miles to go before i sleep.

the dreaded winter run

getting ready to go for a run in 24 degree weather is an painstakingly long process filled with layers. and even at my most layered, i still feel cold for most of the run. maybe the last 2 miles are ok. the first 2 are awful. also- i didn't do any of my orgo prelab, which i just realized is like reading a chapter of a text book rather than a lab manual. ugh.

I really think I'm hilarious

god football is fucking stupid.

JOSIE

Truly the only thing i want for my birthday.

My So-Fat Life

First of all, what a stupid title for this post right? I think I've decided to start a new blog, or maybe just commandeer this one by posting many variations on the theme of my own psychosis. I decided today, while talking to myself in the shower, that I'm more than slightly psychologically off-balanced. The cool thing about it is, I don't even really have to try to make my internal monologue sound crazy. I'm relatively vocally uninhibited as it is, but if I got all Faulkner about it and just started typing my own personal stream of consciousness it would blow yo fuckin mind. I can't believe i just wrote "fuckin" instead of "fucking," but it seemed appropriate and even looking at it now, I think it would be wrong to change it.
As I write this, I'm realizing it would be impossible for me to ever write a book. I'm already sick of the idea of writing about how fat I think I am. But that's not entirely true. I know i'm not literally fat. Rationally, I can look in a mirror and see that I'm not fat. BUT I'm not at my "goal" weight. And at this point, I've realized that my "goal" weight will always be about 7 lbs less than I currently am. This is totally lame because I know I will never be satisfied with how I look. I'm working on it though! I'm also so lazy; I just wish blogger was like Word and automatically capitalized all my i's for me. Since all i really I write about is myself, it would save a lot of shifting. I I I I I. how much more self-centered does it get?! Ugh now I think I'm fat AND selfish!!!! hahahahaha. SS! and now i think the whole idea of a fat-when-not-fat book is totally cliche and annoying. I'm annoyed with myself for even coming up with that idea. i guess i'll just keep going to therapy and hope i can get better and actually get accepted to vet school so i'm not forced to start looking into my own insanity for a potential book deal in order to build my resume.
So i guess its a good thing i didn't start a new blog since i just hatched and killed my new idea all in one post! HUZZAH! i don't think its possible to abuse the exclamation point. or maybe it is! Today at work someone asked me when the "big day" was. Wrong hand, buddy, but thanks! His dog was named Axel too but it was much uglier than my precious IXY. and he was just a total weirdo to boot. Now i feel bad for calling his dog ugly but i just don't like springer spaniels (along with countless other breeds)!
In other news, i think i waste about 3-4  hours of procrastination for every 1 hour of productivity. Fabulous! I can't wait to do my physics homework! i bought nice shampoo and stopped using Kirkland brand, i feel better already.

terrifying calculations

If my estimates are correct (which they aren't; they are too low), by the time I graduate from vet school I will owe, with interest, over $215,000 in loans. If I pay it off over 10 years, I will be paying about $1,800 a month. If you think this sounds like the cost of a house and the monthly mortgage payment of that house, you're right! So, by the time I'm 40 I will...

1. Have no cash
2. Have no savings
3. Have no house
4. Have a 2004 Honda Accord (which will be about 23 years old at this point)
5. Have no debt (hopefully)
6. Have a dog (because I can't afford kids or fit them in my little old car)

Things are really looking up! And I just dropped zoology like a bad habit. Thank God.

Bad idea

How am I so busy and still not done with prerequisites? How am I continuing to justify 7 years of undergrad? If I don't at least get an interview somewhere I'm going to be so annoyed. I definitely need coffee and sadly will not be able to get any before class. I wish Axel could let himself in and out of the house and shut the door behind him.

I want a westie!

When I move out, I'm definitely adopting a westie. Soooooo cute.

I guess I'm going to go run 4 miles in this slushy sloppy snow and then pick up some coffee and meet my boyfriend at school before class! What a novelty! Seriously. I'm so over wandering campus alone all day in the middle of nowhere dekalb.

Is winter over yet?

Dear spring semester,

You really better be easy.

Love,

Audrey

And school commences...

I drink far too much tea and chew far too much gum.

Hot tottie

Everyone's sick. My goal for this year, not to be confused with resolution, is to be more positive. About myself, my life, my future, everything. I think this important.

I don't want to turn 24. Or the rest for that matter.

Ode to oscar

All the little mystery mix dogs that are just happy and easy to work on make all the awful giant mean dogs worth it.

All ugly dogs of the world automatically attain cute status if they are nice.

Bad weather and a bad attitude

I hate exercising when I have my period.

So much bloat!

Places i MUST try

Hopleaf

Hotchocolate

Hot dougs

Frontera grill

Art of pizza

Girl and the goat

Joe's stone crab

One of many keys to a successful relationship

Don't passive aggressively take stabs at your partner through your Facebook status.

I dont believe in isms, i dont believe in me

Afterall, I'm not the walrus.

I'm never really sure where my life is going or why its going in the direction that it is. Eventually my parents will die and I will have to come back to the Midwest to be closer to the cabin. Or I will have to sell it. If I come back, it will not be to Illinois. After I leave here, I never intend to come back. I don't like anything about Chicago. I don't like its inaccessibility and I don't like the people. If there is any Midwestern city that I can imagine myself in, its Minneapolis. I don't ever plan to go to a high school reunion. I don't ever plan to care enough. I'm actually amazed that I have so many friends on Facebook from high school. In fact, i hate Facebook for allowing these people to keep tabs on my life when they are not even remotely a part of it.

I care less

I'm not my body or how I choose to destroy it.

You like me better when you're drunk.

You like me better when Im not here. The ideal me is so much better than the real thing.

Its nosebleed season!

Does shoveling poop count as cardio? I'm so sick of Facebook and completely ridiculous staus updates ex. "My dad is having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Pray for no polyps!" Though this is true, 1. It is totally inappropriate for a Facebook status and 2. Am I really asking people to pray for my dad's colon?

What has happened to the world? Is it Chicago? Is it the US? Is it everywhere? I don't know if this sharp decline of civilization is a recent event or if I'm just recently catching on. Is it the school system? Why is it so much harder to become a doctor than a teacher? Illiteracy has become an epidemic in America and it has left us with a grave prognosis. That's so fucking cliche and so fucking true.

Who am i

I saw a Guy running the other day while I was out running. We turned down the same street at the same time and I ran my last half mile balls out so I could beat him. I did beat him. After I stopped I didn't know if I should be embarrassed or proud because I'm sure he had no idea we were racing.

This is all strange because I always hated being active at recess and I figured out how stupid "tag" was at a very young age. I feel like I was always it because I was just too lazy to run around.

Gum and coffee diet

Hating yourself is a motha fuckin full time job.

I also can't wait for my room to be legitimately completed.

Ready for summer running

I guess I'm running the Chicago Marathon this year. I just need to start training again and lose this holiday weight.

Too much svu for one day

I need to get out of this hole of a house. Kumas and blackhawks game Wednesday. Msp Thursday thru sunday. I hope this all turns out to be fun.

Happy new year

Sometimes I act suspicious just so he will ask what I'm doing or who I'm talking to.