like carolyn and caroline they got a thing about that man, don't get that wrong because they are gonna drill ya.
Hey caro....lyn...
Its carol INE its caroline brian.
its briooooooooooon, yes my name is brioooooooooon. its very hard to say my name correctly my name is breiiolsdifosdnfoskjdn can you say that? very few can correctly

im brian B-R-I-V-O-L-THENUMBER 7- THE LETTER Q....BRIOASNFAOIFGNWKDNGSLD look at my name tag... its... big...

god i just can't explain the fact that i want that feeling when you're holding someones hand and you let go a little bit and you realize that they are holding on to your hand too. its just the litttle things like that, the little things like that make you realize how lucky you are. i just want to be lucky like that....

I know blue eyes get boring but I'll wear dark glasses all the time and
hey if you want me to, I'll take a knife to my own bright eyes.
- saves the day

If this sky's going to eat us then I'd like to be digested into a million pieces with you. I'd love to be scattered to hell with you.
- Saves the Day

i have this strange feeling and it wont go away.

"If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened, if you weren't so wise beyond your years i would have been able to control myself."
-Alanis Morissette

"Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?"

Alanis Morissette

i guess ill just keep waiting for you to make up your mind

walking head on into a whilwind of rejection, i promised i wouldn't throw myself at you. but that look in your eyes makes me feel less alone, this is all leading up to my final demise. when will my heart collapse from inside out. i'll quote saves the day by saying "you want to know who i really am, yeah so do i" i know my blue eyes get dull

everything has to be turned into a soap opera drama. i'm about to give this one more shot, and i'll find it in myself.

turnabout ruled.

today was the worst day ever.

leave me alone with my thoughts, leave me alone in the dark, leave me alone with the pain that resides in the back of my mind. nothing is more comforting than the thought of a caged bird who thinks she can fly. the thought of me. let her outside and watch her make claims about being important and saving then world, and then watch her fall. watch as the light in her eyes slowly fades. watch her as she counts the days until she can go back into the dark of her cage. crying alone at the bottom of her bottomless pit,she waits for the day to come, when someone will tell her she can fly. alone in the bottom of her cavernous cage, with melancholy as her best friend, a sorry excuse for a bird, a bird who believed she could fly. she watches though windows and wishes herself to be worthy of flying away. she doesnt know she will never be able to fly. she will never be important and she will never save the world. she is helpless and hopeless and completely jaded, and she's already faded into her Great Facade. she will never fly. i will never fly.

people change.

maybe some day we'll meet again
when our two roads hit the same dead end
and oh i'm counting the days
cuz you've got something that i've never since seen
a willing heart and a part that's clean
we're both good at counting days

Jets To Brazil.

okay this weekend has been pretty fucking cool.

1. the play rocked
2. my hair is all gone
3. i hung out with the coolest people ever
4. i rule

i have a therapist appt in 40 mins. hahadhuksdgoaidsghj ear'g

well it has been 5 days since i wrote in this last and i have nothing to say except the play went well. and i am so glad. i turned 16 so whenever i want to get my license i can. unless i don't find the grandma wallet with the permit in it. that would be funny. well maybe not. i hope the play goes as well tonight as it did yesterday. it was nice having my friends go. i appreciated it so much. well valentines day slipped my mind because it was actually a good birthday. despite the fact that i had no significant other to share the pathetically over-rated holiday with, i had an overall good day. amazing. i consider myself an element similar to neon. i have so much electronegativity that i don't bond with anyone. and no one bonds with me, and i am just better off by myself. all my spots are filled up and my valence electrons are fine. just leave me alone and ill be fine. i don't need another element to form a compound with. i'm too good for that.

i don't feel good really. i think im goin gto watch donnie darko again. what a great movie. a classic of our time. the winter play/my birthday is in 4 days. thats right friday. friday friday. the world is ending

my favorite part of donnie darko is when they get off the bus through the back and tears for fears is playing in the background. and they walk into school and jake gyllenhaal is looking so hot. oh man i want that man.

something that occured to me tonight was the fact that lately i haven't been in the mood for those fake conversations with those fake friends about all the things that you have done that really aren't important to you or anyone and they are simply talked about for hospitality's sake. There is a big difference between catching up with an old friend and just having the conversation because its the thing to do. well call me a bitch but i don't want to do it anymore. i will never have to worry about the pretend conversations because my friendships, despite the distance, have the ability to be picked up where they were last left off. if it doesn't work like that then we probably weren't really friends. its a very very sad world.

donnie darko is amazing.

Donnie Darko is disturbing. it makes me feel depressed. it makes me aware of my depression. no tomorrow. no tomorrow. life is sad sad sad sad sad sad.

"i find it kind of funny, i find it kind of sad; the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had"
mad world

i hate the taste of warm water that has been sitting in your room for a few days

do you ever go downstairs to get a glass of water and then right after you fill it up you take a drink of it because it looks so good and then after you take your drink you realize half the glass is gone and you have to refill it again? and then the process repeats over and over again until your cold from standing infront of the refridgerator and your stomach hurts? that would be a good analogy if i could think of anything like it. my so-called life is a good show. i want the whole series on dvd if you don't knwo what to get me for my birthday which is in a week.

i guess the epitome of pathetic is when youre pouring over old conversations in your head and you stumble upon something funny and you laugh outloud. its that moment when you realize you are incapable of moving on... and you think to yourself... "i'm about as ticklish as a radish." a statement that just seconds ago made you smile now has you on the verge of tears. maybe the fact that you are remembering this conversation word for word is what branded you as "hopeless" in the first place or maybe its the fact that you're still thinking about him after so long. perhaps its the idea of valentine's day being 10 days away and you're left without a valentine, not that it isnt a worthless holiday to begin with. Dateless, loveless, and hopeless all on the same day. it really makes you aware of your surroundings. i guess it makes you wonder too, or maybe it has nothing to do with anything and you are just wondering because you're you and you can't let go. but none the less you are wondering about beginings and endings and relationships and love, because you always are, and you can't figure out why you can't let go. i mean what is so hard about moving on? why do you, after all this time, still get nervous around him and lose whatever lame and pointless stream of conciousness you had flowing before you saw him out of the corner of your eye. Why do you STILL mention the stupid stories you know everyone has heard at least 5 times. why does everything still remind you of him? Why do you stay up late staring at your ceiling thinking maybe he will come save you from this hell and take you away, even for just 15 minutes? Why does it hurt so badly to know he hasn't thought about you this way for over a year, if he even did then? It sucks when you know there's someone who is supposed to read this and never will, and never will care. and i suppose when all is said and done, i will remember this moment as the epitome of pathetic

we lost. ugh. life.

i want to make a website. maybe after i get my new scanner and monitor for my birthday i will make one so i can scan pictures onto it. hahahahah YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I love JETS TO BRAZIL!

PLANS FOR TONIGHTS GAME:
1. Score a goal
2. Score a goal
3. Score a goal
4. Score a goal
5. Kick some ass

"sunday eyes, am i losing you? say it isnt true"
jets to brazil

i hate my dad tonight

dashboard confessional makes me cry

tonight we went to that benefit thing for a little while and it was pretty boring but harrison and kurt were there and jeanae was there too and me and jeanae "played catch up" i guess. i hope im going to this coheed and cambria show with her tomorrow i hope its fun. maybe ill wear RBF i bet i will. maybe we'll see weird guy. jeanae knows him though. so maybe i shouldnt call him that. anyway i fell in love again tonight. and i know jeanine doesnt think its possible but i'm not listening because i KNOW that its lame to write this on the internet but i don't care. i miss harrison. blah my heart hurts. im listening to depressing songs about the summer. i hope this summer is a little better than last summer. last summer was the lonliest summer ever and i don't want that to happen again. ill take summer school until august before id go through that again. consumer ed booyah! me and court are rockin that class and we would with tray except she doesnt do summer school. oh god i miss harrison

"You're the only summer i think i'll ever know."
jets to brazil