I am falling. why? HOW? i don't know. But you're not here to catch me.




Can't we make it work? Can't it somehow work? Will it EVER work? How did it take me so long to realize what's been right in front of me all along? 10 years. I'm still here. Now i get it. Am i too late?




This distance is killing me.

I love you however, you hold me down.



MONTREAL HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

these grass stains on my knees they won't mean a thing.

cut me open. sun poisoned. this offer stands forever. new haircut. new bracelet. eyeliner. wait forever.

There'd be no distance that could hold us back.






So this is the new year?

You're the echoes of my everything,

You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.

You're the laziness of afternoon,

You're the reason why I burst and why I bloomed..

You're the leaky sink of sentiment,

You're the failed attempts I never could forget.

You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..

you'll be mine again in the summer. always in the summer.

I cant move on because i cant stop thinking about everything else. My past is enveloping my future.

Maybe i just set aside the fact that you were broken hearted, in my own special selfish way. and if i hadn't set aside the fact that you were broken hearted, hell knows where your heart could be today, maybe with me.

Its weird to think that its really over. I can honestly say i didnt really see this coming. I guess i probably should have. And if its whats best then why do i feel so sad?

So happy valentine's day. i hope the sun's out in new york.

I hate valentine's day.

The problem i am dealing with right now is being okay with who i am and being happy. is anyone ever happy with who they turn out to be? is anyone ever happy? If 5 years of therapy can't make me like myself, then what possibly could?

Light that smoke, yeah one for giving up on me.




Nice eyeliner. I guess you're still not done trying to be someone youre not.

I ripped up all the memories. There are no pictures left to burn goodbye to. I know about everything that you try to cover up so as not to hurt my feelings. "when two people love eachother but they just cant get it together, when do you get to the point where enough is enough?" I guess the real answer is January 8th 2006.

dear [steve],



we learned so much. I realize we won't be able to talk for some time. and i understand that as i do you. the long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could. we were together during a very tumultous time in our lives. i will always have your back and be curious about you; about your career, your whereabouts.

Someday we will be able to relate to Gwen Stefani- Cool. Someday. And i don't hate you.

you're stealing my best friend more everyday and i hate you for it.

I can be as mean as you but that wouldn't do any good. I don't care anymore about this stupid fight you won't give up. You can continue to talk all the shit you want, it only makes me realize further that i did the right thing. Everyone makes decisions everyday that end up being life-altering. this is one of those decisions. I don't regret anything. I'm done with the stage in my life where i date boys like my dad. My dad is getting over being an asshole and maybe you should too. I don't know why it always turns into a fight. Why you always have to dig down to find some reason to be malicious. What are you trying to prove? Saying you're not who i thought you were would be a lie because I've always known exactly what you are. And finally, in the immaculate words of Snake River Conspiracy, "You've managed to convince yourself but I don't think you can manage me."

The thing is, you keep kissing other girls and i keep finding out. I'm not seraching for reasons to hate you, you're just throwing them out there yourself. Maybe next time you should try thinking first before you act. It would probably be the first time in your life. I'm sick of you and all your "changes."