Chocolate

The Conflict: Despite my efforts, I continue to want things that I know are bad for me. I choose the unhealthy route all the time and I can't bring myself to want what I really need. The calamity is killing me. Maybe the fact that I know I'm making the wrong decisions is a possitive but the fact that I still can't make the right choice is annoying. I mean, maybe I try too hard to force myself to like certain things. I don't know why I want the wrong things. I need to write a poem for english but I really don't want to. Everything I write sounds exactly the same...

i love you.
you dont love me
i miss you
you don't miss me
blah blah i hate everything
woe is me
life is frustrating

I did absolutely terribly on the SAT IIs i just took. so much worse than before on the lit. and the math was naturally awful. I officially give up on boston college. I know I'm going to end up at Syracuse, but maybe that isn't the worst thing ever. Although it depresses me to no end, I can't be good enough for everything, or anything that I really want. I want to cry right now but I know better.

"Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?" Am I a good girl? I don't think I am but maybe i could rephrase that to say "Why do the intuitive and self-aware girls always want the emotionally unhealthy boys?" I guess that just doesn't have the same ring.

Regarding turnabout: I would rather go stag and have a good time than go with a date and have a no fun time. Leave it to me to be really articulate. My dress is so ugly i would be hard pressed to find a date willing to be seen with me in public anyway. I like it and thats all that matters, really.


Audrey Billhymer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad YEAR.

Welcome to 2005.