You know, i could say i'm sorry a thousand times and it would never get me anywhere. mostly because i woudlnt know what i was apologizing for. ive been blamed for things i havent done and i dont know how to change that. im tired of talking about it and tired of going over and over it and tired of feeling guilty and horrible for something i didnt do. so this is it. i dont knwo if you want to be friends and if you do thats cool and if you dont i respect it. i cant control my feelings any better than you can or anyone else. there are so many... i dont know... things i wish i could say to you. thinking about all this shit tonight made me pretty upset. mainly just thinking about like things we're supposed to do or have done. like more particularly that night i slept over and we stayed outside talking till like 6 in the morning and then went to mc donalds. i was acutally just thinking about that and i was like "why didnt we go to country donuts?" and god

when rachel ward knows, you've told too many people.

its the summer. almost everyone is completely detatched from everyone else except their tight knit groups... but somehow everyone knows... and its just like.. the more people talk about it, the more i begin to think that everyone has this idea that i ruined it all... when really... i didn't...

so im not sure what this means... i'm leaving it up to you... id love to be your friend again... i dont know why you wouldnt be able to trust me because... i dont know what i did that would deem me untrustworthy. im sorry i feel this way. really i am.

id talk to you but i dont know what to say. im emotionally drained. and practically dead.

your thoughts?