FORGET JULY.

I make an effort to not take myself seriously, or at least not take myself too seriously. I try not to be sensitive and i try not to take comments personally that weren't meant to be attacks. And like i do with most things at which i try, i generally end up failing. I could sing sappy love songs forever and never run out of things to say. Tonight it hurt when he said

"you just haven't experienced enough to know this isn't real."

It was about then when i wanted to scream that it was real and that it ate away at me every second of every day and showed no sign of relenting. The fact that i'm only 17 has no bearing on the width of my spectrum of feelings or my capacity to love. TO LOVE. like i won't be able to do that until im 30. since im not its just a crush.

i know i must go on and on about the same topic but does it really matter? Tonight we watched Vanilla Sky. i hadn't seen it before, unless you count the time i watched it with ali and fell asleep after the opening credits. it was good i guess in a weird way. i could write books, encyclopedias if you wanted a real look at redundance, on the way i feel and how i have trouble dealing with that. This year has been tumultuous to say the least. but isnt every year?

Does anyone ever remember anything?
Because i remember everything and i'm starting to wish i didn't.

I CAN'T.