alexandra chmiel. so i was looking through my journal from last year a while ago and i flipped unintentionally to this page that had an izone sticky film picture of ali on it. now that picture wasnt very pretty lol. it was actually scary. but it was funny. and i laughed at it because i remember taking it. but i laughed harder when i remembered this one time ali was walked around in my moms "piper" shoes. and man i started laughing. i became friends with alix in 8th grade because she sat next to me in science and i copied all her homework. ahh the begining of a beautiful friendship. for quite a while, she was my best friend. we rarely fought. in fact, i dont think we ever fought until we decided not to be friends anymore. i was supposed to play rec softball with her this summer. i even learned how to play and bought a bat and everything last summer, but this year it didnt happen. it was kind of sad when i realized it. i havent been friends with ali for about 6 months now. we are talking now, but its far from okay. i remember hot days of going to the disgusting pond and trying to fish and actually catching fish and then torturing them. or stalking gio at meineke. haha. i know its my fault we arent friends anymore. i pushed away. i always do. i guess ive learned that the people who really understand you the best are the ones who have watched you grow up. there are other people i could name who could match my face to my emotion in one guess. but its hard to think about.

ive already posted too much about dominique. im scared to even talk to her. i just hope she reads this and knows i think about her daily.

i feel like i can be friends with jeanae but i doubt we will ever be able to re-establish the friendship we once had. i mean we are two completely different people now. we changed eachother drastically. its just hard to imagine ever being as close to her as her friends are now and vice versa. and thats not a bad thing. its just the way life is.

if you would have asked me 3 years ago what i thought about high school boundaries i would have told you they didn't matter because friendship can make it through anything if you want it to. i suppose my opinion on the siuation isnt as optimistic as it once was, but i feel like thats what growing up is.

there are more who i know still care. chris and dave mainly. i wish things were easier. i wish there wasnt so much silence. the fact that there is to begin with is probably my fault.
of course i miss you.

that will never change.

the other two people who at one time were the most important in my life deserve to be mentioned. they won't ever look at this because they just aren't the type. but Justin and Gio were definitely up there at one point. i know neither of them like me anymore, especially gio. and its okay. i just wanted to get it off my chest. i hope gio has a great summer and a wonderful time at marquette in the fall. and justin... i hope he figures out what he wants out of life. and i hope he'll still be my friend next year despite the fact that i'll still be in high school.
this sudden realization just hit hard.

I'm goingto miss you. more than you know.