lately i've been thinking about someone who used to be the only person who made me feel better about being me. the only person who was like me, and let me know that it was okay, and that even if it wasn't, it would be eventually. i haven't talked to her in months. sometimes i stay up for hours at night thinking about my failed relationships with best friends. i think my relationship with her is the one that has affected me most in the long run, and even though for a while i didn't think i cared, i realize now that i did/do/always will. throughout the deterioration of our friendship, i realized that ive met a lot of amazing people, but no replacements. i was wrong to be looking for replacements at the start. without her influence and ongoing praise of my personality and encouragement to just be myself, i would be someone entirely different today. when the thought of going to seperate highschools actually hit, i didn't think it would affect us. i just assumed the bond we had built was stronger than some stupid boundary. maybe it was, maybe it was just part of growing up that pushed us in opposite directions. i don't know how it happened, and thats not even what matters anymore. even if we never get back what we had, i wanted her to know that it meant everything to me. now im starting to cry while i think about all the stupid shit we did while i look at the photo booth pictures we took about 8 times at the board walk. not like she even reads this. i doubt my sn is even on her buddy list. it seems like a really miniscule detail that shouldnt be the determining factor of the end of a friendship, but at this point it is. a phone call is too abrupt for either of us. we know better.

you were my best friend when i was in my worst state. there are so many things i just want to tell you and at the moment i can't think of any except i love you and i miss you. its not everday you meet someone who will deal with you and your shit for a week and then come back and do it again the next year. so i guess just thanks....

thank you for being my friend
thank you for coming on vacation with me
thank you for catching tadpoles
thank you for laughing with me when my grandma got attacked by flies
thank you for sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet me when i was hysterical
thank you for being my friend when i was hysterical
thank you for swimming with jellyfish with me
thank you for riding bikes to the end of ocean avenue with me
thank you for shopping with me
thank you for walking around with me
thank you for taking pictures with me
thank you for looking for potential soul mates with me
thank you for watching submarine races with me
thank you for doing stupid shit with me
thank you for dealing with me when i was doing stupid shit
thank you for doing it too
thank you for reading books with me
thank you for catching my dad smoking with me
thank you for the endless conversations
thank you for sticking with skippy
thank you for teaching me about life
thank you for helping me understand friendship
thank you for walking over in the middle of the night
thank you for laughing at my dumb jokes
thank you for making me laugh
thank you for being there every time
thank you for making me me
thank you for being you
thank you for listening
thank you

Dominique Suchala will always be my best friend and i miss her more every day.