according to weather.com it is currently 10 degrees outside but feels like -8. according to my phone its 7 degrees. and according to the thermometer in the kitchen its 11. there is no consistency in temperature or anything else. how am i supposed to prepare for my life with so much variability? how am i supposed to get through with my life with absolutely no certainty? IS EVERYTHING GOING TO BE OKAY? the lack of answers will give me ulcers. i've conditioned my body to believe every change in my "plan" is literally the end of the world. even if that change is as stupid as getting stuck behind a train for 25 minutes. have i always been the person who commits the felony of crossing the tracks before the gates go up because i just CAN'T wait any longer? i don't think so, but apparently i am now. i don't want to accept that the person i am now is who i am destined to be. i really don't hate surprises. its hard creating a life plan for yourself that requires every single aspect go your way in order to be successful. well its actually easy to create it, but its much harder to follow through. because of all the variability. because people aren't constant or consistent and even the most perfect life plan is uncertain if there are people in it. but i don't hate people. and i don't hate surprises. i just hate the fear of not knowing.
the final realization that there is nothing unique about you, nothing unique about your dreams, and nothing unique about your talents is a challenge to accept. and i haven't accepted it yet.
"It was always half invented
but the other half was good."
jimmy eat world
1 comment:
I like long posts. And winging it.
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