First of all, what a stupid title for this post right? I think I've decided to start a new blog, or maybe just commandeer this one by posting many variations on the theme of my own psychosis. I decided today, while talking to myself in the shower, that I'm more than slightly psychologically off-balanced. The cool thing about it is, I don't even really have to try to make my internal monologue sound crazy. I'm relatively vocally uninhibited as it is, but if I got all Faulkner about it and just started typing my own personal stream of consciousness it would blow yo fuckin mind. I can't believe i just wrote "fuckin" instead of "fucking," but it seemed appropriate and even looking at it now, I think it would be wrong to change it.
As I write this, I'm realizing it would be impossible for me to ever write a book. I'm already sick of the idea of writing about how fat I think I am. But that's not entirely true. I know i'm not literally fat. Rationally, I can look in a mirror and see that I'm not fat. BUT I'm not at my "goal" weight. And at this point, I've realized that my "goal" weight will always be about 7 lbs less than I currently am. This is totally lame because I know I will never be satisfied with how I look. I'm working on it though! I'm also so lazy; I just wish blogger was like Word and automatically capitalized all my i's for me. Since all i really I write about is myself, it would save a lot of shifting. I I I I I. how much more self-centered does it get?! Ugh now I think I'm fat AND selfish!!!! hahahahaha. SS! and now i think the whole idea of a fat-when-not-fat book is totally cliche and annoying. I'm annoyed with myself for even coming up with that idea. i guess i'll just keep going to therapy and hope i can get better and actually get accepted to vet school so i'm not forced to start looking into my own insanity for a potential book deal in order to build my resume.
So i guess its a good thing i didn't start a new blog since i just hatched and killed my new idea all in one post! HUZZAH! i don't think its possible to abuse the exclamation point. or maybe it is! Today at work someone asked me when the "big day" was. Wrong hand, buddy, but thanks! His dog was named Axel too but it was much uglier than my precious IXY. and he was just a total weirdo to boot. Now i feel bad for calling his dog ugly but i just don't like springer spaniels (along with countless other breeds)!
In other news, i think i waste about 3-4 hours of procrastination for every 1 hour of productivity. Fabulous! I can't wait to do my physics homework! i bought nice shampoo and stopped using Kirkland brand, i feel better already.
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