wallowing in my self-pity for days that turn into months that turn into years that turn into the rest of my life and i just watched it all go by without a word. unusual, or is it? the without a word part certainly is but am i really that extroverted?

tonight steve gave me my christmas presents. he bought me a watch and the newest nicholas sparks book. it was great but way too much.anyway we went to see lotr and it was good. considering i slept through the second one i thought i understood it partially. well then i came home and made some sugar cookies since i got new cookie cutters at "Le gormet chef" and i got this lobster but the cookies kept breaking when i tried to take them off the sheet. ohw ell.

so im sitting here on the floor in my room with disorganized furniture wondering how i got here. "here" i think meaning life in general. christmas is almost here and i dont feel ready for it. not yet. it doesnt even seem like december. life does move really fast, i guess, only while youre living it seems to take forever. maybe its better that life seems to last forever because we have time to ponder unanswerable questions into the hot and endless days of the neverending summers. or maybe it would be better if life only seemed to last the blink of an eye, to make sure we have motivation to do all the things we want to do instead of just procrastinating and putting things off until theres nothing left to put them off to. i cant decide.