i guess the epitome of pathetic is when youre pouring over old conversations in your head and you stumble upon something funny and you laugh outloud. its that moment when you realize you are incapable of moving on... and you think to yourself... "i'm about as ticklish as a radish." a statement that just seconds ago made you smile now has you on the verge of tears. maybe the fact that you are remembering this conversation word for word is what branded you as "hopeless" in the first place or maybe its the fact that you're still thinking about him after so long. perhaps its the idea of valentine's day being 10 days away and you're left without a valentine, not that it isnt a worthless holiday to begin with. Dateless, loveless, and hopeless all on the same day. it really makes you aware of your surroundings. i guess it makes you wonder too, or maybe it has nothing to do with anything and you are just wondering because you're you and you can't let go. but none the less you are wondering about beginings and endings and relationships and love, because you always are, and you can't figure out why you can't let go. i mean what is so hard about moving on? why do you, after all this time, still get nervous around him and lose whatever lame and pointless stream of conciousness you had flowing before you saw him out of the corner of your eye. Why do you STILL mention the stupid stories you know everyone has heard at least 5 times. why does everything still remind you of him? Why do you stay up late staring at your ceiling thinking maybe he will come save you from this hell and take you away, even for just 15 minutes? Why does it hurt so badly to know he hasn't thought about you this way for over a year, if he even did then? It sucks when you know there's someone who is supposed to read this and never will, and never will care. and i suppose when all is said and done, i will remember this moment as the epitome of pathetic