no need for reminding youre still all that matters to me. i feel like im staring blankly at the rest of my life and there is nothing there. the rest of my life scares me. will you remember me? when its all over? because i don't want to think of a life that exists without you in it... or at least the thought of you. you will always stay in my mind there is no doubt, the memory of you. letting go isn't a one time thing, its something you do over and over again everyday. how could i ever make you understand me when i dont even understand myself. i've lost friends gained friends and lost you. so we fight. we make up. we pretend to be friends. this time is different. there is no making up. no false friendships waiting at the end of the tunnel, because there isn;t even a light at the end of the tunnel. i feel like up till this point my life has been like a sad song constantly playing over and over again for almost 16 years. its a numbing song but i find comfort in the lyrics that talk about despair and failed love. this song has been my security blanket... and now its stopped... the song is over and i have to find a way to write the rest of the words myself. this is probably the worst analogy i could make but its the only one that i can think of to explain myself just a small amount. i think this is to personal for me to post, but i don;t think anyone really reads this anyway so i guess i will anyway. in case it wasn't too obvious this entire entry and probably the last 5 are about harrison. i'm tired of implying. i don't care what anyone says, i didn't choose to love him.