i think january is one of those months where you can only be happy if you are in a relationship. i also think turnabout sucks and now that i've gotten turned down so many times i feel completely and utterly worthless. so wow that was quite a turnabout from what i felt before i was rejected... except i still felt pretty worthless. At least now i know that well dances are over rated. i didn't even care about the dance so much, i just wanted a new dress because i found a pretty one. oh well. i guess today was just depressing. for more reasons than one. but hey what are you going to do. this is the first day of a life without emotions. that's a lie. i don't even make sense now. i just hurt and i guess rambling on and on is a sign of that. an idea i use as a prevention of tears. an idea i use over and over again despite its failing results. do you ever meet those people who seem okay but then after a while you start to feel somewhat uneasy around them. like you don't belong. or maybe you never did. then you start to push away. to no avail because they always win. its a lose lose situation. whether you buy in or fade away they win. they are the people who pretend to be your friends until they find out who you are. what's wrong with having different opinions? whats wrong with being different? whats wrong with being loud, or outspoken or enthusiastic. why does our society condone conformity yet at the same time encourage individualism. how is that even possible? why are people so materialistic? why does everyone lie?