the more i learn, the less i know

i've learned a lot of things the hard way. what is the hard way? well, in my opinion, its doing your own thing despite objections, and then failing at it completely. I've fallen on my face with just about every significant endeavor i've taken on. Sometimes it takes me years to figure anything out. these are the some of the things i've "learned the hard way":

1. Not working hard enough in high school and getting rejected by my dream school(s)

2. Hating the school I chose and transferring away from Syracuse instead of to St. Olaf

3. Choosing a new school that is incredibly difficult and exhausting, thereby sacraficing any chance of good grades

4. Thinking i could be pre-vet and attempting a bio major while tanking my GPA in the process

5. Surrendering and becoming an English major, too late to save my GPA though

6. Working harder than i ever have during my junior and senior year in order to bring up my god forsaken GPA

7. Being too lazy to get a job or internship over the summer(s) and ending up with a completely blank resume and no experience in anything

8. Thinking i wanted to be a lawyer and wasting a lot of my parents' money on an LSAT prep class that didn't even really help

9a. Waiting until the second semester of my senior year to figure i want to go into nursing and therefore planning on getting a second bachelor's degree.

9b. Waiting until the second semester of my senior year to figure out i want to go into nursing and therefore aquiring at least $30k in debt in order to pay for the next 2 years.

9c. Waiting until the second semester of my senior year to figure out i want to go until nursing 2 weeks after applications were due for fall of 09 and realizing i have to wait an entire year to go.

10. Worrying about everything in my life and therefore losing my mind


I know a lot of these are about grades and bullshit. Grades are almost everything at st. olaf and don't let anyone tell you differently. I came to this school with the attitude that grades weren't as important as everyone made them out to be. That attitude doesn't work here. St. olaf has made me neurotic about grades and neurotic about everything in general. I've been consumed by the bullshit. I'm hoping someday to get back to where i was when i had my own ideas about what was important in the education system and what wasn't. Im trying to unlearn what this school has taught me about how to live my life. Someday i will get to where i am going. I doubt it will be anytime soon. i've made a thousand mistakes to get to where i am. I don't feel like i am any more sure of my identity than i was in high school. In fact, i'm probably less sure of who i am now than i have ever been.
I can, however, thank st. olaf for making me work harder and longer than i ever have in my life and hopefully making me more prepared for my future of more school.

so theres that. i guess i have that.