when things seem uncomplicated, they never are.
i don't really know how i feel. i guess i'm not mad. i guess i don't feel betrayed. but i do feel different. i guess its just a shock. i know friendships change all the time. its just weird when you have one best friend. just one. not 3 to choose from or fall back on when something goes wrong on one end. when you have only one and that friendship changes, and you can't look at it the same again, your whole life seems different.
i guess when you have 1 instead of 3, the one is really important. i can't imagine how easy it would be to deal with one altered frienship when you have 2 others that are perfectly intact. its probably not even very noticible.
and that is all im going to say about this bullshit that makes summer after senior year seem like yesterday. i guess it only makes sense really. i wrote a lot about this when basically the same thing happened with keiko so repeating all this for a different person would be redundant and its not worth the energy.
i guess i'm more upset than i thought. but i really only feel sad when i think about it a lot. so i'm trying to just not do that.
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