i want to write to explain to the world that i'm not wasted potential. i want to write to let other people in the world know that they arent alone and that becoming the person you are destined to be is a full time job in darkness with not necessarily any sort of light at the end of the tunnel.

i want to know that i'm not the only one who wastes thousands of dollars getting mediocre grades and feeling completely insignificant in a world of determined and motivated people. i need to know that i will eventually get the hang of it even if i never really understand it. Right now i feel like im in limbo. im not a kid and im not an adult. im not an academic but i'm not a drop out. i'm from a family of literary genius and yet i can't write. i dont know if this really means i'm incapable of writing or if i just having found any successful methods.

my parents insist that i am not trying my hardest. and i guess its true i dont study every waking moment of my life. like right now, for instance, i'm writing in this instead of reviewing for an in class essay tomorrow. but i don't know how i can study when i just cant stop thinking about everything else. i would like to believe that other people have just as much trouble as i do with making it through the day. its not that i want to fail my classes. its not that i dont want to do well in every aspect of my life. but theres a ringing in my ears that doesn't seem to ever go away and i can't really see the world, let alone understand it, through all the noise.