I was going to just write a post about fate. And i had about a paragraph done when i realized i wasnt really in the mood to write about fate. Instead i would like to say Mazeltov to high school realationships. the good, the bad, and the ugly all deserve a bit of thanks and appreciation. without these relationships there is no way i would be the well adjusted almost 19 year old typing this right now.
From day one there were lessons to be learned and there was much room to grow. I never really saw myself as the wise-beyond-my-years type, and it would be wrong to say i do now. I just can tell that upon reflection, my high school relationships were each experiences that needed to be had in order to grow up. It is true to say i didnt always take the most direct route to emotional growth and maturity, but the road less traveled may have helped more than hindered in the long run. Ive also realized its impossible to do everything right on your own. the subjective opinion and view of the self is much less approachable than the objective outsiders ideas. that being said, it makes sense why everyone always feels compelled to talk about everything else. Gory and unnecessary details run rampant in the whispering voices of high school hall ways. For my own benefit, i'm now going to try to sum up what every major high school relationship taught me.



From Greg i learned that i needed to have self-confidence in order to allow myself to feel anything other than pain and anxiety in a relationship.


From Carter i learned that i'll never be able to think as abstractly or deeply as i think i can.


From Steve i learned how to trust, to forgive, and to understand my need to learn how to be myself without a relationship. or at least without such a demanding relationship.




The moral is that high school relationships suck you dry but they are a necessary evil in growing up. In a few years ill be able to look back at the nights i spent crying and laugh because it just doesn't matter like it used to. I understand that i've only been at school for a semester so how could i have such a definite opinion? but ive been collecting and developing these opinions for years even when i was physically in high school and mentally trying hard as hell to escape. There is no easy way out. and the only way to finally get to the person you are always trying to be is to follow the scenic route. Short cuts don't really exist in the game of life. Its not possible to just skip certain steps. In the end, every experience means something- whether it is good or bad. adolescence teaches us what we need to know in order to successfully function in society as adults. everyone is always in a constant war with themselves over how much of themselves to give and how much to keep. Its a futile battle of chance and it only ends when one person meets someone else who can talk about the things that no one ever would and understand how much to give without having to think.

the human heart endures and that is all that i can really be certain about at this point in my life.