And i wanted to have something to say. something that would hit people somewhat to the effect of being blind sighted by semi at 3 in the morning while driving a geo metro. i wanted people to turn around and listen to me, but more importantly to feel i was saying something important. for a long time the only thing that made sense to write about was the dreary drabbness or the monotonous routine that i was forced to succumb to every day of my prepubecent life. It seemed to me, that the only important issue concerning nearly everyone i could possibly think of, was the idea of bullying and that it is, in all honesty, real. This topic has been covered by authors the world over and because i knew i did not have the ability to top their already beautifully garnished salad of peer brutality stories, i was left to wander from topic to topic as though i had some certainty of where i was going to end up. Ending sentences with prepositions, like the former, is no way to get from point A to point ANYWHERE in the game of writing. so i fail miserably from the begining and before my epic has even taken flight, it has crashed and there are no survivors. It serves me right for attempting a novel this way as i have no creative ideas of my own but i have vowed to follow lauren and do as she does in every aspect of life. Should she, however, decide to go to U of I, i will not keep in step, because although the humble school is highly esteemed by college guides the world over, i have other plans regarding my future and U of I is not anywhere to be seen. Though i don't know exactly what i want to do with my life, i know damn well i won't find it at U of I. I feel it is hard to dicern between the bitter, cynical, grammatically incorrect whining and the real flow an author can make by using the over-used technique of stream of consciousness. I am no faulkner/falkner, nor do i claim to be, but to be blunt: Falkner/faulkner is a bore and his use of long-winded sentences and complex word choices leave the author only pondering the question of these intimidating phrases only resulting from his overcompensating for his height, or lack there of. Be that as it may, i am in no position to go on anylonger about nothing and if i'm going to write a novel i want the focus to be somewhat visible from the start and hopefully slightly moreso towards the end. As for this ballyhoo that i have just taken far too long to write, i will perhaps add it as the preface, or maybe an irrelevant epilogue to throw the reader, whoever he may be, through loopholes of misunderstanding and misconception. it is my exact intention to lose the prospective reader in a giant jumble of characters and places and ideas because that is exactly how i see that world, and giving anything other than my own unique perception would take away the whole point: originality. I have often wondered the definition of this word and its ability to seemingly pretain to everyone. I have yet to meet someone who believes he lacks originality. Everyone is so god damned special. Everyone is a walrus. Well, maybe its true, maybe everyone really is completely different from everyone else, but thats not going to stop my unnecessarily harsh judgments from being made and its sure as hell not going to stop everyone elses. I only know one being who stands out from the rest of the world, and that is my dog. No one has ever been so excited to see me every single time i walk in the door. They weren't lying when they said "man's best friend." I have met a lot of liars, a lot of frauds, a lot of could-have-beens, a lot of perfectionists, a lot of antagonists, a lot of conformists, a lot of cowards BUT i have NOT met a lot of thinkers. That is where the intelligence lies my friends, and one can only go so long feigning the ability to think before he is discovered and his stupidity is brought to light. I have met these people who believe themselves to be smarter than the rest but when it comes down to it, they really arent. to put it plainly, society thinks its smarter than it is. We think we are better than thoreau because we have no desire to live alone with nature and no desire to understand life. We think sticking our noses up at the classics makes us look "spirited" and "rebelious" but really it just makes us look like jackasses. and by US i mean you.