Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Ode to Parenthood
Thank you for believing in me. It is so great that even though I majored in English and graduated with a GPA at least .4 points below the average of accepted veterinary students and yet still got through my prerequisite classes and gained acceptance to not one but THREE veterinary schools, you still don't think I am responsible enough to take care of a fucking cat. It is awesome that you think that you will end up with this cat when I fail at caring for it. Even though caring for it is what my whole fucking career is revolving around. I don't mean to get on a soap box but, for the love of God, I am getting my doctorate and you don't think I can handle a cat. Its not like I bought a Great Dane puppy from a breeder for $2000. Its amazing that for my whole life, I had no idea where I developed this self-centered and entitled view of the world, and the entire time, it has come from watching you. Thanks!
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
ENFP
For years, I have told people that when I took the Meyers Briggs Personality Inventory my freshman year in high school I ended up as an ENTP and not an ENFP (which I actually am). I actually think I do fall into some middle ground between the two, but that could be entirely because I have manipulated myself into being that way. I wish I were really as cunning and witty as I pretend to be. It seems like one letter is a minor change, but to me, that difference between thinking and feeling could undermine or support my entire position of credibility to a client. SAD.
Damages is such a good show. .It is worth losing sleep over. Also, I am done with my modules and ready to get completely skewered when lectures start in my first "real" quarter of vet school.
Wish me luck as I begin my journey into the abyss.
And when I skin my cadaver dog on Monday, I will prevail!
Damages is such a good show. .It is worth losing sleep over. Also, I am done with my modules and ready to get completely skewered when lectures start in my first "real" quarter of vet school.
Wish me luck as I begin my journey into the abyss.
And when I skin my cadaver dog on Monday, I will prevail!
Saturday, October 06, 2012
Friday, October 05, 2012
waiting for superman
A thousand things I would like to comment regarding the future version of myself but I will refrain...
1. will i raise my children to be religious? or even to accept Christianity? I don't even know if I am really a true Christian despite the fact that I will always say I am Lutheran if someone asks what religion I am. The idea of religion is very difficult to me. I don't know if I truly feel like I believe in a higher power or if I just respect and worship my mother so much and to such a high degree that I can't imagine not believing in something in which she believes so strongly. I don't want to disappoint my mother or let down my children. Is there a religion or a system that will work?
2. Will I send my kids to public schools? Since I am a Republican, I don't feel any political obligation to put my kids in public school. Although, I don't feel I was failed by public schools. But I also don't feel like I was encouraged and pushed to meet my full potential, whatever that happened to be at the time. The most annoying thing ever is a democrat who preaches endlessly about how shitty public education is in America and how public schools have failed and how its our responsibility to fix them (and obviously raise taxes to do this), and then they send their kids to private schools. I think good teachers are crucial and should be well payed and respected, but these unions are getting ridiculous and need major reform. I want to go to law school for the sole purpose of educational reform (and possibly some tort reform just for the fun of it.) At times, I have encouraged Matt to pursue secondary education because I know he would be great at teaching and reaching kids, but then I see how our education system is so utterly fucked and I bite my tongue.
Where do we go from here?
1. will i raise my children to be religious? or even to accept Christianity? I don't even know if I am really a true Christian despite the fact that I will always say I am Lutheran if someone asks what religion I am. The idea of religion is very difficult to me. I don't know if I truly feel like I believe in a higher power or if I just respect and worship my mother so much and to such a high degree that I can't imagine not believing in something in which she believes so strongly. I don't want to disappoint my mother or let down my children. Is there a religion or a system that will work?
2. Will I send my kids to public schools? Since I am a Republican, I don't feel any political obligation to put my kids in public school. Although, I don't feel I was failed by public schools. But I also don't feel like I was encouraged and pushed to meet my full potential, whatever that happened to be at the time. The most annoying thing ever is a democrat who preaches endlessly about how shitty public education is in America and how public schools have failed and how its our responsibility to fix them (and obviously raise taxes to do this), and then they send their kids to private schools. I think good teachers are crucial and should be well payed and respected, but these unions are getting ridiculous and need major reform. I want to go to law school for the sole purpose of educational reform (and possibly some tort reform just for the fun of it.) At times, I have encouraged Matt to pursue secondary education because I know he would be great at teaching and reaching kids, but then I see how our education system is so utterly fucked and I bite my tongue.
Where do we go from here?
Thursday, October 04, 2012
I eat the M&Ms out of trail mix
I submitted this picture of Axel for a calendar and I hope he wins! All the pictures I printed of Olive looked less cute so I am putting all my eggs in the Axel basket. If he wins, he gets a photo shoot hahahahahaha. I need to do laundry but don't want to walk next door to do it. I also need to finish my dentistry presentation on senior animal dental care.
I wish i could remember every one liner from 30 rock that i want to re-quote. If i watch too many episodes in a row, i start to imagine myself as Liz Lemon. As an unfunny, not-as-witty version of Liz Lemon.
How is my gas bill $74 this month? I only use the microwave! Being poor sucks. Also, I'm scared to apply for the Army scholarship because I don't want to lose clinical skills... or be sent to Ft Sill in Oklahoma. I'm just considering joining the reserves after graduation because they will pay my debt too, but not the interest, which sucks and will likely be at least $20,000 on its own. My debt is like buying a house; either a modest house in the suburbs, or a badass studio loft in uptown.
Last night, the debates made me love Ron Paul even more. Why is the world so blind to the rationality of libertarianism?
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
5 year engagement
today i extracted 3 teeth out of a dead dog head. when you don't have the leverage of the body, its really hard to get the teeth out. dentisty is definitely not the specialty for me. in a way this is good to know considering i change my mind about a specialty every day.
Silas was just drinking Refreshe seltzer water on Weeds. which is hilarious because it is the Safeway brand. I can't stand him right now.
my apartment is a mess. i hate cleaning more than almost anything else.
Silas was just drinking Refreshe seltzer water on Weeds. which is hilarious because it is the Safeway brand. I can't stand him right now.
my apartment is a mess. i hate cleaning more than almost anything else.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
waiting to live, waiting to die
waiting for an absolution that would never come.
living alone is totally boring.
dentistry next week means practicing dentals on dead dog heads and getting out before lunch!
the junior surgery adoptable dogs are so fucking cute.
living alone is totally boring.
dentistry next week means practicing dentals on dead dog heads and getting out before lunch!
the junior surgery adoptable dogs are so fucking cute.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
all i ever had, redemption songs
add it to the endless list of all the things i'll never miss.
i have this pillow with birds on it. i don't use it or the chair it sits on. but i like that they are there.
life changes so profoundly in ways we never could have predicted, but i still cry when i watch Forrest Gump and Titanic.
i hate meeting new people 97% of the time, which is why i am friends with 3% of my class.
entropy.
i have this pillow with birds on it. i don't use it or the chair it sits on. but i like that they are there.
life changes so profoundly in ways we never could have predicted, but i still cry when i watch Forrest Gump and Titanic.
i hate meeting new people 97% of the time, which is why i am friends with 3% of my class.
entropy.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
say something profound
I miss my dogs. I love goats. I miss home.
Things for this weekend:
1. see my pups
2. go to Bigby's
3. eat Lou's
4. sleep in
I'll be missing an Illini tailgate day, but I'm pretty sure I'll survive.
Things for this weekend:
1. see my pups
2. go to Bigby's
3. eat Lou's
4. sleep in
I'll be missing an Illini tailgate day, but I'm pretty sure I'll survive.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Song of myself
Happy 94th birthday, Paul Billhymer.
In light of that, the things I do on a daily basis are more than slightly unimpressive.
Now I just need to decide whether or not to join the army. In order to do that, I have to figure out what $200,000 is worth to me.
25 years or debt or 8 years of service?
The possibilities are endless.
In light of that, the things I do on a daily basis are more than slightly unimpressive.
Now I just need to decide whether or not to join the army. In order to do that, I have to figure out what $200,000 is worth to me.
25 years or debt or 8 years of service?
The possibilities are endless.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
longing for something. more?
something is missing. or is it? how do we ever know what direction we should take? how do we ever know which path is less traveled? and if we should even take the path less traveled? How do we know if it will make any difference at all, let alone "all" the difference?
do we stop asking questions because we believe or do we stop asking questions because we stop caring about the answer?
when do we get to the point where enough is enough?
and then how do we keep going?
do we stop asking questions because we believe or do we stop asking questions because we stop caring about the answer?
when do we get to the point where enough is enough?
and then how do we keep going?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
what budget?
As fiscally savvy as my parents have always been, it would have been nice to get a little guidance regarding the $160,000 of debt that I am about to have (and the $40,000 I currently do.) With 6.8% interest.
Living alone is also a lot more boring and lonely than I thought it would be.
I also kind of love my relationship. It is kind of awesome.
Specialties are confusing. I don't know what I want to do. the idea of an additional 4 years after this first 4 is just crazy. But maybe worth it.
Living alone is also a lot more boring and lonely than I thought it would be.
I also kind of love my relationship. It is kind of awesome.
Specialties are confusing. I don't know what I want to do. the idea of an additional 4 years after this first 4 is just crazy. But maybe worth it.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Sunday, August 05, 2012
2 guys, one cyst.
Matt and my dad popped a boil on top of my head today. I couldn't see but they said it was disgusting. They also said they couldn't get the core out so I have to wait another week for it to re-puss up and then they can try again.
I quit my job on Friday. I started crying when I hugged the boss that I've spent the last 3 years both complaining about and praising. In the end, however, I have no illusions of grandeur regarding the profession I am entering, and I feel more confident about my decision than I would if I had worked anywhere else. He even bought me a really nice stethoscope because I complained that I don't have any money left to buy one.
Matt and I are getting married at Crab Lake. 8/5/2017. seriously. I figure if we make it a decade before getting married, we might actually have a shot at making it until death.
My one year old goldendoodle limps horribly every day. I plan to get a CT scan on her elbow when I get down to school. I hope its something surgical and not something that could cut her life short but a decade. I just keep telling myself that if it were cancer, she would have died by now. How pleasant. This dog is my life. I am going to die at school without her. Its just too bad she loves Axel way more than me. I guess we all just want love from those unwilling to return it. I know she really does love me though... really...
This boil on my head really hurts. Thanks, dad.
I quit my job on Friday. I started crying when I hugged the boss that I've spent the last 3 years both complaining about and praising. In the end, however, I have no illusions of grandeur regarding the profession I am entering, and I feel more confident about my decision than I would if I had worked anywhere else. He even bought me a really nice stethoscope because I complained that I don't have any money left to buy one.
Matt and I are getting married at Crab Lake. 8/5/2017. seriously. I figure if we make it a decade before getting married, we might actually have a shot at making it until death.
My one year old goldendoodle limps horribly every day. I plan to get a CT scan on her elbow when I get down to school. I hope its something surgical and not something that could cut her life short but a decade. I just keep telling myself that if it were cancer, she would have died by now. How pleasant. This dog is my life. I am going to die at school without her. Its just too bad she loves Axel way more than me. I guess we all just want love from those unwilling to return it. I know she really does love me though... really...
This boil on my head really hurts. Thanks, dad.
I won't go my whole life telling you I don't need.
I wish I could start a blog over. I wish I could begin as a new person. I wish I could let go of everything that I have been for the last 10 years. I can't.
I burn and build bridges.
I was accepted at 3 of the 6 vet schools I applied to including Kansas State, UMN, and U of I. I'm starting at U of I in a few weeks. This is uncommon. I must interview well. I must lie well.
I'm moving to Champaign next week into a 1 bedroom apartment that is way too expensive for me. It doesn't have a dishwasher, washer/dryer, or AC. These loans are making me panic.
Yesterday, Matt got upset because I doubted the sincerity of a former friend who had reached out to him. He remarked that it was he who stopped talking to the friend first, and not the other way around; thus implying it is different from my own personal experiences with former friends. Truth. This induced a genuine panic attack that lasted well into the early morning.
I hate buying scrubs.
I've been tired for days and days.
I burn and build bridges.
I was accepted at 3 of the 6 vet schools I applied to including Kansas State, UMN, and U of I. I'm starting at U of I in a few weeks. This is uncommon. I must interview well. I must lie well.
I'm moving to Champaign next week into a 1 bedroom apartment that is way too expensive for me. It doesn't have a dishwasher, washer/dryer, or AC. These loans are making me panic.
Yesterday, Matt got upset because I doubted the sincerity of a former friend who had reached out to him. He remarked that it was he who stopped talking to the friend first, and not the other way around; thus implying it is different from my own personal experiences with former friends. Truth. This induced a genuine panic attack that lasted well into the early morning.
I hate buying scrubs.
I've been tired for days and days.