i'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that i'm probably not going to get into vet school and because of this, i'm really trying to explore my other options. it would be nice if my parents would pay for grad school but they won't, and therefore, i am extremely weary of even applying to law school due to such high unemployment rates of new grads. with the expectation of at least $175k in loans after graduation, the possibility alone of not finding a job is enough to make me really reconsider the entire field. the current idea i have actually uses all of the prereqs i've spent the last 2 years of my life getting, which is nice. and the idea is............. D.O. school. i've pretty much decided that MD is not really for me. the competition alone is enough to drive me to suicide. the only problem with either of these ideas is the mcat, and the fact that it contains physics AND orgo. I honestly think i would be ok with the chem... but absolutely not the physics. i would just have to hope that my bio and verbal scores somehow outweigh physics. and definitely take a kaplan class. speaking of which, i haven't even registered for the GRE, let alone GRE prep. probably because i'm just trying to avoid the inevitable failure associated with taking it and every decision i make thereafter.
i'm really sick of not being a competitive applicant. its by far the most frustrating and annoying and honestly debilitating part of my life right now. i can't make up for my first 2 years of college. there is truly nothing i can do about it. my grades are cast in stone. its hard to imagine that 2 years of subpar grades could determine the rest of your life, but alas, there it is. i'm constantly wondering where i should take this class, or where i should take that one. will it make a difference? is this a high enough level? should i even take a class this summer or just get an internship? when do i need to take animal nutrition? which online class should i take? will it make a difference? is this all for absolutely nothing? what am i supposed to do if i'm 25 and rejected? reapply? move on? where do you go from there? should i go on the mission trip to increase my volunteer experience? do i have enough volunteer experience? do i have enough large animal experience? how involved should this experience be? how will i get in touch with profs from st. olaf who are writing these reqs? will they write more reqs for different professional schools if i get rejected? how am i going to pay for this? if i go to DO at Midwestern will i really live at home until im 30? should i apply to MD too? at siu? at rosalind franklin? can i even apply all my vet clinic experience to human medicine? if not, how will i get enough human medicine experience before i apply?
i should have actually used my CNA, i should have done better at syracuse, i should have just STAYED at syracuse. I should have tried harder at olaf. i should NEVER have gone to olaf. i should have worked harder to get internships. i should have stayed in touch with professors. i should have just applied to law school a year ago. i should have taken organic over the school year. i should have taken physics at northern. i shouldn't have switched to English. I should have just stayed a bio major and then gotten my masters during this complete waste of time and life that i'm in right now.
i'm beyond hoping for the best. i'm not even convinced its worth my time to even apply. i really don't know where to go from here. i'm sick of people telling me i'll get in when they know i probably won't. i'm sick of the "anything is possible" mentality. NO IT FUCKING ISN'T.
its hard to be real with yourself. but its probably harder for the people i love to be real with me.
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