The question

I now know that I would rather be really normal and really happy than really skinny and really crazy. This is more than an epiphany; this is taking back my life.

Watch your step

Throwing up and increased drinking generally arent  good signs of anything. I hope its nothing. I really do love my psychotic dog.

"In memory, everything seems to happen to music."

positively 4th street

run run as fast as you can

at least 7 miles was good yesterday. next year i want to run the Indy Mini and the Geist Half. i guess i'm not running any races this year other than the marathon. its slightly alarming. why aren't there more races on sundays? i can't just take every saturday off to go pay someone to time me while i run however many miles. but i really wish i could. i guess i'll run this half in Batavia even though the course has the dreaded "rolling hills." UGH

My impending doom

I finally got up the courage to email my Olaf professors for letters of recommendation. I felt totally stupid about going on and on about my stupid life but I hope they understand. I actually just hope they remember who I am. All this time, I thought I was a pretty memorable person, even if for the wrong reasons, but now I'm not so sure. I can't believe I'm applying in a few months, this is terrifying. I can't believe I have to request transcripts from Olaf, NIU, Syracuse, and Harper and then have them sent to U of I, U of M, Purdue, Kansas State, and Oregon State. Before that, I pretty much have to get a perfect score on the GRE on June 23rd. And before THAT I have to figure out how to get an A in physics and make sure I keep my A in stats. Then I have to celebrate Eric's 21st birthday and hopefully convince him that Gameworks is actually not a cool place to go for any day let alone for your 21st birthday.

No subject. Ever.

I'm worried about the direction my life is taking. Who am I? Im exhausted. With my life.

what is the rest of my life?

recurring dreams almost every night. i wrote a poem as i was falling asleep and i rhymed every line with hour. it was pretty bad. this morning i wrote a haiku comparing my contacts to jelly fish. thank god i don't remember it. other than something about both swimming freely in a sea of saline. i ate too much today.

Irony

If you hate everyone on Facebook and you hate all status updates and everything that Facebook "stands for," why not just delete it? Why do you care so much about what everyone else is saying that you feel the need to retort  via a new status? I just don't get how its worth the energy.

In other news I ate half of a large Lou malnatis thin crust.

Atrophy

4 days of not running has been awesome! I really don't know why I decided to try and run a Marathon. I hate exercise. I also hate anyone who woke up at 5am today just to watch the royal wedding.

Ew chai tea is spicy

There is a duck nest right next to our porch and the momma duck gets scared if you go in or out of the front door so now we only use the garage.

how am i not myself?

Eminem is playing at lollapalooza this year so every cloud has a silver lining. the cloud just happens to be my existence. i need to go read some Camus and ponder my insignificance.

cry cry cry.

we're not in infinity; we're in the suburbs.

me: "Eric, you would be a terrible air traffic controller."
my dad: "No he wouldn't, i think he would be great at it."

chicanery

if i get two cats i'm going to name them Nefarious and Perfidy. If i only get one cat i will name him Nefarious, unless he already comes with a name and it happens to be Stan, in which case, i will leave it.

i feel like the percent yield of my life is much lower than 100%.

i forgot to do my physics lab write up. oops.

Waste of a studying day

Ran at 7:30 am- 4 miles. It felt slow. My left leg hurts in a really strange way. Almost like its bruised all the way down. I didn't eat or drink anything before I went and that probably contributed to it feeling so rough.  My leg is starting to worry me.

Easter in Milwaukee was surprisingly uneventful and I probably should have stayed home and studied all day. I'm really tired now and don't want anything to do with physics. I hope that organic lab quiz isn't tomorrow.

run blogging

i figured the easiest way to keep track of my running was to write it on here. this could be obnoxious if anyone read this, but since no one does, at least it serves as a record keeper. hopefully i will be able to look at this and see if certain aspects of my day affect my run more than others i.e. sleep/food choice/time of run/hydration. i'm sure it will provide a lot more insight once i start wearing my watch and pacing but i'm still too scared of knowing how slow i am.

today i ate oatmeal at 7:30AM. i ran at 4 pm. an hour before my run i ate some pita chips and hummus and a banana. i ran 7 miles in my kinvaras and had absolutely no issues. my arches and knees feel fine. i never felt "tired." i noticed i was running more midfooty at the beginning and it almost felt like prancing. it was kind of awesome. hopefully ill be able to prance for longer distances as i wear them more often. i drank a little gatorade right before the run and 28 oz of water throughout the morning. i drank some more gatorade around mile 5. overall it was a successful run and i felt happy and fast and maybe not quite as knock kneed.

i've kind of given up on the brooks because they really hurt my knee and that's an injury that isn't worth the $100 i paid for the shoes. As for the triumphs, since they are significantly heavier than the kinvaras, i kind of don't want to race in them. i ran in the new ones once and they felt clunky and i felt slow. that's not really a fair chance but i did also feel rubbing in the exact same blister spot as my last triumphs despite ordering another half size bigger. this is really annoying because they were expensive and now they are dirty and i can't send them back.

Perfunctory

It took over a year for the swelling from my varicose vein removal to go away. Now I'm starting to get another one in the same leg. Awesome.

Uriah Heap

My runs are either great or awful. Usually they are enjoyable on the days I least expect them to be. Today was one of those days.

Anxiety attack almost started in the pharmacy line at Walgreens. Ironically while trying to pick up a prescription for Xanax. I hope I can stop crying and hyperventilating during physics tests because its more than slightly embarrassing.

I love studying GRE vocabulary. Mostly because I love using big words and alienating people.

Bombastic.

i still believe in capitalism.

I guess if i want cheap vans they are going to have to be pink and purple. i don't know if i want cheap vans that badly.

Liberals really confuse me. I don't think i could ever vote democrat for the following reasons:

1. I would like be able to decide where the money that I earn goes. Ideally, I would like it to go to me.
2. I do not believe in the equal redistribution of wealth.
3. Obama (and all the progress he's made)

just because i am fiscally conservative does not mean that i am pro-life/anti-gay/war-loving/planned parenthood hating/environment hating; but i really do love being categorized as all these things.

Our morally bankrupt government has been masquerading as Robin Hood and has successfully convinced an ignorant american population that we live in a society where "everybody wins" if you allocate correctly.

wrong.

Split ends

Its gets harder everyday to convince my body that diet coke is a legitimate meal.

Cryptic

5 is the new 4.

4,5,5,4,0,6,7.

Summer: Portland,  GRE, tough mudder, decorating the cabin, riding my bike to work, not taking any classes, running at the hottest point of the day, likely retaking the GRE, visiting U of I, day drinking.

Its weird to think that ill actually be applying in 5 months. Its weird that the direction my life is going to take will be determined in 10 months.

I wish I were more interesting and had ample material for my personal statement. Unfortunately, I'm not and I don't.

Throw some glitter.

I can't wait for this semester to be over. I cant wait to stop feeling guilty for watching a movie instead of studying. I'm actually looking forward to studying for the GRE. I'm not looking forward to getting in touch with Olaf professors for letters of rec and I need to do that sooooooooon.