Courtney mentioned in her most recent post that she thinks she and i could hold a 2 hour long conversation on the phone if we tried. i agree. i think i could talk almost nonstop for at least 5 hours. i mean i have the way home from school with her before. I think my inability to stop talking has actually made a lot of could-be-awkward interactions much less awkward because i always have something to say to keep the conversation going.

my mom should be here in about 15 minutes, which is pretty sweet. i hope we go to MOA.

Also- i'm no longer pre-vet and i've decided to go into public health or animal policy (after grad school of course)


Right now my favorite schools are Tufts, BU, and NYU. This is probably subject to change


why am i doing this you might ask? well really i want to spend a semester in australia and i also dont want to go through the rest of my undergraduate career worrying about failing some chemistry class, which is what i would do if i stuck with this pre-vet thing. now i can go abroad and take classes that i can actually pass!

christmas movies annoy me. unless its a christmas story in which case it doesnt annoy me. and i want a leg lamp.



miracle on 34th st is not my cup of tea. Stick to the dinasours John Hammond, Santa isnt yo thang.



A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby is really good. and i just almost typed nick horny. what does that tell you about my sex life?

I just painted my nails "green tea"




I also stopped being prevet, and then replanned the rest of my undergraduate career




I feel less like jumping out a window now, which i think is good.




We're getting my grandpa a puppy for christmas and it gets to live with us for 2 weeks first, i think this can only lead to extreme attachment. i think its going to be a cockapoo or a yorkie bichon. one of those pansy ass designer dogs that everyone secretly thinks is really adorable.




Courtney thinks her teeth moved from one specific incident with a pen cap. this is not true, but until she gets her retainer she will believe it is.




It looks like santa threw up in our room. thanks bri.

I also didnt mention that Ronny died. well, Ronny died. And i'm still upset about it and it still bothers me and i still think about it everyday. I don't think this is wrong or unusual. Its not like im still in complete mourning, i just dont think its something that goes away overnight.




Even though Gagan and Sarah insisted to steve that ronny didnt even like me, I know that its not true because i know they don't really know anything. The truth is no one really knew anything or maybe we could have done something. I mean maybe we couldnt, but the point is people shouldnt say that their dead friend didnt like his friends because it doesn't do anything but just hurt people.




this was a really lame and elementary post. i don't care.




I'm back with avengence.

After looking at my post i realize why i got so pissed at this thing and it was because i couldnt separate the things i wanted to say. i couldnt hit enter and actually have it work...

that became really annoying. but probably just for me because im my only reader.






Since i last wrote on here my grandma died of cancer, i broke up with steve, i transferred to a new school, and then switched roommates because mine was a huge (literally) bitch. Its been quite a transition.

I am bringing this blog back from the dead i kid you not.

for the last... i dont know... really long time, i have been on somewhat of a hiatus with thechoke and have either forgotten to write or just had nothing poignant or beautiful to say. this is going to stop here. I am going to come out of this hiatus with a new connection to my blog and i will not disappoint my thousands of fans like blink 182 did when they decided just to break up after theirs.

Northfield, Minnesota is one of the most boring places on earth.
The town slogan is "Colleges, Cows and Contentment."

Need i say more?


I plan to actually write in this regularly from here on out. i thought about trying to get it published but then i realized that
a) no one would read it and more importantly
b) there is so much copywrite infringement all over the place with my unnamed artists and authors scattered throughout that i would never want to take the time to actually go through it and give all those people the proper credit needed for publishing.


I hate when you think of really clever things in the shower and then when you finally get dressed and back to the computer, you cant remember any of it. thats how i feel right now. i had a thousand really funny things to write on this that i thought of in the shower and of course i cant remember a damn one of them. (except the blink 182-hiatus thing, i did remember that from the shower).

Its only been a few days but i can feel it falling apart. I saw you and sarah and joe driving today. I dont think you noticed me. Then i called you later but you didnt answer. I saw your mom and patrick at dairy queen last night. I wish i could explain to you how shitty this all makes me feel. and how shitty i feel that you don't even notice.

I'm frustrated. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Why don't you ever ask me to hang out with you and joe but you ask sarah to right in front of me. Its like you can never spend more than half an hour with me at a time. I hate to say it, but its sounding more than a little familiar to the way keiko used to act. I mean you're my best friend but I feel like I'm gradually drifting farther away from being yours. I've tried to confront you about it but i don't know if it makes any sense to you. But really thats all i can do. Now i will just sit back. I'm not sure if you will read this but its more for me anyway. I'm not going to stop calling you and i dont really want to know what would happen if i did. I just hope this isnt permanent and eventually we'll go back to being inseperable again but unfortunately i have a feeling that isn't exactly in the cards for us. Now all i can do is sit back and wait and hope.

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole. You're so much braver than i ggive you credit for. Thats not lip service. Youve already won me over inspite of me. and dont be alarmed if i fall head over feet.



I keep listening to ben folds and thinking about the rest of my life and how its going to end up. I don't know who I'm going to end up with. Have i met the person i'm going to marry? Has every action i've taken thus far only led me further towards my ultimate destiny? I can't help but question everything i know. I'm not that far away from getting married and having kids buying cars and houses and starting a career. granted, i'm only 19 but thats still 19. less than one year away from 20. Is there a such thing as fate?



I love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you.




So it is just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me, most of the time. And so it is, the shorter stories, no love no glory no hero in her skies. I can't take my eyes off of you. I can't take my eyes off of you.


So it is just like you said it should be. We'll both forget the breeze, most of the time. and so it is, the colder water the blower's daughter.





I'm confused and lately questioning everything. How much has this one decision to go to minnesota instead of maryland impacted the rest of my life?

I've got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.


Long time, no update. I'm transfering to st olaf. I'm also getting a car. These should be exciting things. I'm hungry. This summer i will hang out with courtney all the time. Lily is also coming to visit. I am excited for these things.

I'm thirsty and i want to buy some beverages from the bookstore but i dont want to walk down there. I want lily to get done with her stupid logic test so she can hang out with me.

de·pres·sion n. A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression

I am falling. why? HOW? i don't know. But you're not here to catch me.




Can't we make it work? Can't it somehow work? Will it EVER work? How did it take me so long to realize what's been right in front of me all along? 10 years. I'm still here. Now i get it. Am i too late?




This distance is killing me.

I love you however, you hold me down.



MONTREAL HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

these grass stains on my knees they won't mean a thing.

cut me open. sun poisoned. this offer stands forever. new haircut. new bracelet. eyeliner. wait forever.

There'd be no distance that could hold us back.






So this is the new year?

You're the echoes of my everything,

You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.

You're the laziness of afternoon,

You're the reason why I burst and why I bloomed..

You're the leaky sink of sentiment,

You're the failed attempts I never could forget.

You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..

you'll be mine again in the summer. always in the summer.

I cant move on because i cant stop thinking about everything else. My past is enveloping my future.

Maybe i just set aside the fact that you were broken hearted, in my own special selfish way. and if i hadn't set aside the fact that you were broken hearted, hell knows where your heart could be today, maybe with me.

Its weird to think that its really over. I can honestly say i didnt really see this coming. I guess i probably should have. And if its whats best then why do i feel so sad?

So happy valentine's day. i hope the sun's out in new york.

I hate valentine's day.